Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
by Gelles
Summary: Where a new enemy shows up, the Senshi get new powers, Jadite returns, and the Author inflicts pain on Makoto for no obvious reason... [Never gonna be finished]
1. The Pilot

Author's Corner: Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy the first installment of  
Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes. This is my first Sailor Moon fanfic,  
which I wrote during my AP Biology class because I didn't feel like taking  
notes.

This takes place sometime after the Sailor Moon R season, but we're just  
going to figure that Chibi-Usa came back for a visit. Besides I don't  
belive in using continuity when a simple spoof will work just as well and  
with half the trouble.

Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the entire  
fanfic, tends toward excessive silliness.

Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys.

Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes  
A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor  
Episode 1: "The Pilot Episode"

[Setting: A busy street in Tokyo.

Two girls, one tall with brown hair (Makoto) and the other short with  
blue hair (Ami) stop and stare up at a tall business building. In big bold  
letters is the company's name: FALCORP.]

Ami(puzzled): Hey Mako-chan, wasn't this a vacant lot just an hour ago?

Makoto: Naw, it's always been here.

Ami: That's strange. I could have sworn that it wasn't here earlier.

Makoto: That's just because you don't live in this area.

Ami: But it wasn't here when we came by earlier. How can a building just  
appear out of nowhere in an hour?

Makoto(frustrated): Give it up, Ami-chan. Stop being so analytical.

Ami(looking at Makoto): Do you even know what 'analytical' means?

Makoto(grins): No...but it sounded good, didn't it?

Ami(sighs): Let's just get to the shrine.

[Switch to interior of a very plush, very big, very dark office. The only  
light comes from the large picture windows, through which we can see Ami  
and Makoto as they turn away from the base of the building. A young black  
woman in her mid-twenties is standing at the window, studying the scene  
below. She has long brown hair and gray eyes and is wearing a business  
suit. She is clearly amused, but her eyes remain cold.]

Woman(to someone we can't see): Tell I.S. to get started.

[A shadowy figure bows.]

Figure(female): Yes, Ms. Hawks.

[The shadowy figure moves away. We hear a door open and close. The woman  
smiles maliciously and her eyes began to glow with a inhuman red light.]

Woman(whispered): Enjoy your peace, little humans. It won't last long!

[Tilts head back and starts to laugh evilly as the shot fades out.]

[**************OPENING CREDITS**************]

[Back so soon? I thought for sure that those credits were longer....]

BACK TO THE STORY....

[Setting: The Hikawa Jinja: Rei's room.  
Ami and Makoto, along with a blonde (Minako) are sitting at one side  
of the table while a certain raven-haired priestess is pacing back and  
forth like a caged tiger and looking thoroughly pissed off (Rei). She is  
ranting about another certain someone that appears to be absent (Usagi).]

Rei(growling): I bet that meatball-brained fruitcake is busy stuffing her  
face again. (loud) I'm going to rip her head off!

[The others wince at her tone of voice.]

Makoto: Give her some slack, Rei-chan. She's not that late.

Minako: Yeah, the meeting only started half an hour ago.

[Rei shoots Minako a withering glare. She stops pacing and plants both of  
her hands on the table. She leans over and stares Minako in the eyes. The  
others watch her warily.]

Rei(hissing): That just means she's been missing for a half an hour. A  
whole half an hour! (Straightens, but voices rises to a shout) She has  
been late every day this week and I'm sick of her lame excuses! She better  
have an *extremely* good reason for being late today or else I'll turn her  
into a meatloaf!!!

[The door to Rei's room slides open. Rei turns, ready to tear Usagi  
apart--  
--And stops when she recognizes the pink-haired girl (Chibi-Usa) and  
the black lunar cat with her (Luna). They are both out of breath.]

Luna(panting): Usagi-chan's...in the...hospital!

[Everyone is instantly on their feet.]

All(alarmed): WHAT?!

Chibi-Usa: Yeah, when she got back from school, she kept complaining about  
a stomach ache. Sohu took her to the hospital. Then the doctor said that  
he had to take out her apple..apex..her 'ap' something.

Ami: Appendix?

Chibi-Usa: That thing.

[Rei sighs in relief and sits down.]

Rei: What a relief. For a moment I thought it was something serious.

[Everyone gives her a mean and nasty look. Rei blinks, confused.]

Rei: What? What'd I say?

Luna(ignoring Rei): There was one other thing, but I can't quite  
remember... Oh yes. There's a youma, or something resembling a youma,  
attacking people at the park. You might want to do something about it.

[The others look at each other and shrug.]

Makoto: Might as well.

Minako: I've got nothing better to do.

Rei: I'm game.

Ami: I could use a break from studying. (notices that the other three are  
staring at her oddly) Did I say something wrong?

Others: Nothing.

[They leave with Chibi-Usa and Luna.  
Five minutes later...  
A white lunar cat (Artemis) skids to a stop outside the still open  
door.]

Artemis: Minna! There's a youma--(notices empty room) Oh shoot.

[Setting: The park.  
People are scattered everywhere in a various states of unconsciousness.  
There is a large, green, buff monster with red hair, horns, and a  
loincloth zapping people with a bizarre looking ray-gun. Near him is a  
man, somewhere in his mid-twenties, dressed in black pants, a black silk  
shirt partially open, and a black cape. (Think Zorro but without the hat  
and mask.) A sword is belted at his waist.]

Monster(to man): That is the last one, master.

Man: Good. Very good. Start piling them up so we can transport them back  
to base.

Monster(bows): Yes, master.

[The monster approaches the first individual. As it leans down to get her,  
a beam of yellow light laced with fire strikes it in the chest. It is  
blown backwards and skids along the ground, coming to a halt at the man's  
feet. He looks at it, blinks, then turns to face the only other people  
still standing.  
The Sailor Senshi are lined up several yards away. Mars and Venus are  
poised for another attack. The man grips his sword hilt.]

Man: Who are you?

[The Senshi began their various gestures, with Mars leading.]

Mars: People come to the park to enjoy themselves, not to get blasted by  
some filthy youma! As the Sailor Senshi, it is our duty to make you pay  
for your crimes. So, in the names of Mars--

Mercury: --Mercury--

Venus: --Venus--

Jupiter: --and Jupiter--

All: --we will punish you!

[They finish their gestures. After a few minutes, they realize that the  
man hasn't moved. In fact, it seems as if he's gawking at them. Finally he  
stirs and whips out a video camera from Parts Undisclosed(tm).]

Man: Can you do that again? I want to get that on tape.

[The Senshi facefault. Jupiter recovers first.]

Jupiter: You hentai! Who do you think you are?

[The video camera vanishes. The man grins and snaps his fingers.  
Everything goes black.]

Man: Lights!

[A spotlight cuts on, beaming down on him in such a way that in seems to  
enhance his extremely handsome and well-built body. A gentle breeze appears  
out of nowhere, tousling his hair and causing his cape to billow out  
behind him. Romantic music starts playing softly in the background.]

Man(deep, seductive voice): I am the envy of every man. I am the fantasy  
of every woman. I am (music swells) THE ITALIAN STALLION!!! (He smiles  
disarmingly.)

[A throng of girls appear out of nowhere and start to fawn and drool over  
him. He winks at one, smiles at another, and gives a rose to a third.  
Jupiter and Venus have hearts in their eyes.]

Venus(dreamy): Oh man, what a hunk!

Jupiter(dreamy): I would say he looks like my sempai, but my sempai never  
looked _that_ good!

Mars(whaps them on the head): Will you two snap out of it? He's the bad  
guy!

Jupiter(sighs wistfully): Unfortunately.

[The Italian Stallion strikes a pose.]

Stallion: That's right, girls. Who do you love?

[The throng of girls sigh in complete and total adoration. Hearts are in  
all of their eyes.  
This scene freezes for several seconds.  
Abruptly everything returns to normal. The girls vanish and the sun  
comes back. Silence reigns for approximately two minutes.]

Stallion(to monster): Don't just sit there! Kill them!

[The monster roars and charges the Senshi. There is a furious battle,  
which ends when the Senshi all combine their powers to blast it into  
atomic dust.  
With the destruction of the monster, the unconscious people have  
started to recover.  
The Senshi advance threateningly on the Italian Stallion.]

Venus: That's it, Stallion! Your plan is ruined.

Stallion(smug): Hardly. (draws sword) Prepare to face the wrath of the  
Italian Stallion! (points sword at them, shouts) BLACK STALLION CHARGE!

[A large black horse charges the Senshi from behind, knocking them over in  
the process. It stops in front of the Italian Stallion. In one smooth  
gesture, he sheaths his sword and swings into the horse's saddle. He  
guides the horse over to the still dazed Venus and Jupiter and tosses each  
Senshi a single white rose.]

Stallion(deep, seductive voice): Until we meet again, my beautiful angels.

[The horse turns and races off, swiftly vanishing.  
The Senshi pick themselves up and stare after him. Venus and Jupiter  
are holding the roses and smiling dreamily.]

Venus(dreamy, to Jupiter): He's mine.

Jupiter(dreamy, to Venus): You wish.

Mars(staring at the love-struck duo with evident disgust): If you ask me,  
he's nothing more than an over-egotistical evil version of Tuxedo Kamen.

Jupiter/Venus(simultaneously, dreamy): That's why we didn't ask you,  
Mars.

Mercury: Hey, doesn't anybody want to go check up on Usagi-chan?

Venus: Nah, she'll probably show up in the next episode.

[The other three stare at her, confused.]

Mars: What on earth are you talking about, Sailor Venus?

Mercury: Next episode?

Jupiter: Huh?

[Venus blinks, and blushes.]

Venus: Uh, nothing! Nothing at all. Just me rambling again. After all you  
know what they say: 'A bird in the hand makes it difficult to blow your  
nose.'

[Sighs and sweatdrops all around. The others walk away, leaving Venus to  
catch up. Venus and Jupiter start arguing about who better deserves the  
Italian Stallion.  
Fade out.]

******THE END (for now!)******

Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at  
(Flames will be read, stomped on, and used for kindling.)

This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.


	2. Stallions and Shadows and Hawks, oh my!


    Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the entire
    fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.
    Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys.
     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor
     Episode 2: "Stallions and Shawdows and Hawks, Oh My!"
    [Setting: FALCORP: The same office from episode one.
    The woman from episode one is sitting at the desk, reading through a
    stack of papers. There is a CD player nearby and from it issues the
    strains of Yanni: Live at the Acropolis. The door to the office bursts
    open and the Italian Stallion strides through with a scantily clad woman
    in tow. He approaches the desk and flops down in a nearby chair. The woman
    starts massaging his shoulders.]
    Stallion: So, Steph, what did you want to see me about?
    Ms. Hawks(not looking up): Tell your harlot that she's gotta go.
    [Stallion looks up, starts to drool, and abrubtly wrenches his gaze five
    inches higher.]
    Stallion: Sorry, Ginger, but you have to leave now.
    Woman(whiny): Aw, do I have to?
    Stallion(shrugs): The boss says you've gotta go.
    [The woman pouts.]
    Stallion: Yeah, I'm sorry, too. I know how hard it is for you to stay away
    from my perfect body.
    [There is a sharp snap. Stallion glances over and sees that the CD Player
    has begun to emit smoke. Ms. Hawks is staring very hard at the papers in
    front of her. She's developed a facial twitch directly over her left eye.
    [The scantily clad woman shrugs and leaves. The Stallion watches her
    go. When the door closes, he stretches and props his feet up on the desk.]
    Stallion: Such beauty... She almost rivals me for perfection. (shrugs and
    smiles lewdly) Oh well. Say, Steph, how 'bout you and me have a little
    fun? You know, I scratch your back and you strip naked and give me a
    backrub? (winks)
    Ms. Hawks(recovering, flat): Get your boots off my desk.
    Stallion: Aw, come on, Stephanie. Lighten up a little.
    [Ms. Hawks (a.k.a. Stephanie) starts to rummage through the papers on her
    desk, setting some to one side and placing others in various folders. She
    doesn't say anything, but her eyes flare red before returning to normal.
    The Italian Stallion's boots burst into flames. He yelps and leaps to his
    feet, quickly stamping his boots to put out the fire. He glares at her.]
    Stallion(angry): Why'd you do that?
    Woman's Voice: Because you didn't take your feet off her desk, moron.
    [The Italian Stallion rolls his eyes and glares at a shadowy figure to his
    left.]
    Stallion: Don't you ever sleep?
    [The figure shrugs (well, as much as a shadowy figure can be seen
    shrugging) and leans against a wall, blending in with the shadows around
    her in the process.]
    Stallion(muttered): Man, that's one creepy chick...
    Stephanie(cool): What happened yesterday, Stallion?
    Stallion(suddenly nervous): Yesterday? Um... Well...
    [Stephanie looks him in the eye. The Stallion stammers nervously for
    several seconds. There is the distinct sound of the shadowy figure
    snickering. The Stallion glares in her direction.]
    Stallion(to shadowy figure): You must be awfully ugly if you have to keep
    hiding in those shadows.
    [The laughing is choked off by several sputtered swears. The Stallion
    grins smugly and turns back to Stephanie just as the CD player hits him in
    the head. He draws his sword, remembers that Stephanie is watching him,
    and wisely decides to let the issue drop.]
    Stallion: There was a slight problem with the operation.
    Stephanie(sarcastic): I'll say. (cool) I send you to go 'recruit' new
    workers and the next thing I know, I hear on the news that a bunch of
    girls destroyed my monster. Would like to explain this?
    Stallion: Okay, I know it sounds bad, but that's not exactly how it
    happened. You see, these girls have super powers. That monster you gave me
    was clearly outmatched. I actually had to *do* something to save my life.
    Stephanie: How come you didn't help it?
    Stallion(smiles sexily): I'm a lover, not a fighter.
    Stephanie(blinks): Don't you think you're taking the role of the
    egotistical male just a *bit* to far?
    Stallion(shrugs): Hey, I can't help it if women just naturally flock to my
    body. (thought) Although I certainly can't blame them. After all, I AM a
    stud. Heh heh heh.
    Stephanie(winces and massages her temples with her hands, muttered): There
    are times when I really hate being a psychic. This is one of them. (aloud)
    I don't care about your body, Stallion. I need the population enslaved.
    Stallion(sighs): Even though such menial tasks are beneath me, I'll do it.
    Just give me another monster and I promise I'll have this city hanging on
    your every word by tonight.
    [Stephanie withdraws a briefcase from underneath the desk. She opens it
    and starts putting the folders into it.]
    Stephanie(while packing): You better keep that promise because I don't
    have the time to bother with you. (looks up) I've got a meeting with Bill
    Gates to see how the invasion of America is going, so I'll be leaving
    Lupis in charge--
    Stallion(incredulous): Lupis!? That incompentent fool? I'd do a better job
    of running FALCORP than he would.
    Stephanie: That's true, and I would pick you. That is, if it wasn't for
    the fact that you'd turn the entire place into a House of Pleasure.
    Stallion: And what's wrong with a House of Pleasure?
    [Stephanie sighes wearily. She shuts the briefcase and stands.]
    Stephanie: Just go, Stallion. Tell Dr. Drexyl to give you a better
    monster.
    [The Stallion opens his mouth to talk but thinks better of it when her
    eyes start to glow again. Sulking and muttering insults, he exits the
    room.]
    Stephanie(to shadowy figure): As for you, I need you to go to the North
    Pole and find something for me.
    Figure: What is it?
    Stephanie: You'll know it when you see it.
    Figure(sarcstic): That's very cryptic and all, but can you be more
    specific?
    Stephanie: Trust me you'll know. (starts to leave, stops, and says very
    sarcastically) After all, how many men trapped in crystal cases can there
    possibly be?
    Figure(puzzled): What are going to do with a man encased in crystal?
    Stephanie(smiling wickedly): I'm going to do the last thing ANYBODY would
    expect me to do.
    Figure(now totally confused): And what would that be?
    Stephanie(cryptically): Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed, and
    they continue to live.
    [Stephanie leaves.]
    Figure: What the heck was that supposed to mean?
    [Setting: A hosipital room.
    Usagi is sitting in her hospital bed, virtually inhaling the extremly
    LARGE pile of hospital food in front of her. The rest of the Senshi are
    ranged around the bed, faces hovering somewhere between fascination,
    amazement, and disgust.]
    Makoto: Sugoi...
    Minako: Look at her go!
    Ami: It's physcially impossible for anyone to eat that fast and breathe at
    the same time.
    [Ami pulls out her computer and starts to type. It starts beeping
    rapidly.]
    Ami(suprised): Kami-sama, she's eating at a speed greater than 300 kph!
    Rei: Geez, Usagi, I knew you were a pig, but this is ridiculus!
    [Usagi pauses just long enough to stick her tounge out at Rei. Everyone
    looks away, completly grossed out.]
    Minako(looking slightly green): A word of advice Usagi-chan: Never stick
    your tounge out with food in your mouth.
    Usagi(mouth full of food): Oh, thowwy. I'll twy noth tho.
    Makoto(looking even greener than Minako): Don't talk, either.
    Rei(sarcastic): At least now we know she's okay.
    [A window is open and from it we can hear people screaming. The Senshi
    (sans Usagi) crowd around it to see what is going on in the street below.]
    Makoto: What the hell is that?
    [A monster with three cat heads, the neck of a giraffe, the body of a cow,
    the legs of a chicken, the tail of a horse, and the arms of an ape is busy
    spitting webbing all over the people on the street. Near it is the Italian
    Stallion, busy admiring himself in a mirror.
    [The Senshi pull away and share a LOOK. They look at Usagi (who is
    still busy shoving food down her throat).]
    Rei(sighs): I guess she won't be coming with us. *Again.*
    Minako: Looks like we'll have to deal with this monster all by ourselves.
    Makoto: Yeah, but it would be a real shame if something should happen to
    us.
    [Usagi hesitates, then shrugs and keeps eating.]
    Usagi(mouth full): Ganbatte, minna!
    Rei(angry): Why you ungrateful little brat! I'm gonna kill you!
    [Rei leaps for the bed--
    --and crashes into the floor when Minako tackles her.]
    Minako: You can't kill her! She's our leader!
    Rei(shouting): Wanna bet?
    [Rei tries to get up, but Minako puts in her a headlock. They start to
    struggle.]
    Minako(to Ami and Makoto): Um, guys? A little help here?
    Ami(to Makoto): Do we really have to?
    Makoto(to Ami): Don't worry, I'll handle this. Jupiter Star Power, MAKE
    UP!!
    [Sailor Jupiter seperates Minako and Rei. She throws Rei over her shoulder
    into a fireman's carry.]
    Jupiter: One down...
    [Jupiter grabs Usagi, hoists her out the bed, and throws her out the
    window.
    [There is complete and total silence.]
    Ami(shocked): Oh my God! Jupiter killed Usagi-chan!
    Rei(to Jupiter): You bastard!
    Jupiter(nonchalant): I didn't kill Usagi-chan.
    Minako(frantic): But you threw her out the window!
    Jupiter(shrugs): And? Go and watch her. She'll bounce.
    [Cut to outside the hospital. Usagi is still falling. She hits the
    pavement, bounces a couple of times, and comes to a stop. She looks
    around, completly amazed.]
    Usagi: Hey! I bounced!
    [Cut back to hospital room. Ami and Minako are staring at Jupiter in wide
    eyed amazement.]
    Jupiter(smug): I told you so. (heroic) Now, let's get that monster!
    [With a mad laugh, she leaps out the window with a furious Rei in tow. The
    remaining two Senshi look at each other.]
    Minako(faintly): Did I just see what I thought I just saw?
    Ami: It depends on what you thought you saw, but since you don't think, I
    don't think that what you thought you saw was what you really saw. What
    you actually saw remains to be seen.
    Minako: Huh?
    Ami: Precisly.
    [Ami transforms and leaps out the window, leaving one very confused Minako
    alone in the hospital room.]
    Minako: Huh?
    [Setting: The street below the hospial window.
    The monster is still causing massive carnage. The Italian Stallion is
    still admiring himself in a conviently placed full-length mirror.]
    Stallion: I'm looking pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.
    [He tilts the mirror to get a different angle. Suddenly, his reflection is
    joined by four others. He whirls around in surprise.]
    Stallion(surprised, angry): How dare you sneak up on me like that? I
    nearly developed a grey hair!
    [The four Senshi facefault.]
    Mars: Uh...yeah. At any rate--
    Moon: How dare you attack these helpless citizens! Nobody likes being
    attacked because hospital food sucks and they never serve you enough. And
    that's another thing: you took me away from my food! I need my food! It
    provides me with the energy to kick nasty bad guys' butts, like yours!
    Mars(impatient): Are you through, yet?
    Moon: Just about. **ahem** In the name of the moon, I will punish you!
    [She goes through the standard gesturing routine.]
    Moon: Okay, Mars, I'm through now.
    Mars: It's about time. (pokes Jupiter and Mercury) Hey, guys, wake up.
    She's done.
    [Jupiter yawns expansivly and stretches. Mercury looks around drowsily.]
    Jupiter: Kami-sama, I'd thought she'd never get it over with.
    Mercury: Agreed. These speeches of hers are getting a bit long.
    Moon(angry): Did you just insult my speeches?
    Mercury(nervous): Uh, no.
    Moon(happy): Okay. Just checking.
    [Mercury facefaults.]
    Stallion: Yeah, well, whatever. Get them!
    [The monster leaps at the quartet. Sailor Moon shrieks and dives behind
    the Italian Stallion. The other three scatter and fire their respective
    attacks. They hardly dent it.]
    Mercury(shouting): Do you want to know what just occured to me?
    Mars(ducking a sudden strand of webbing): Sure. What?
    Mercury: Where is Sailor Venus?
    [Cut to the hospital room. Minako is sitting on the bed with a notebook
    and a pen. She is writing furiously.]
    Minako(muttered): Okay, let me get this straight. I didn't see what I
    thought I saw, but I don't know what I actually saw because that remains
    to be seen. But if that's the case, what did I think I see that I really
    didn't see? Does this mean that what I thought I saw isn't really what I
    saw at all, but what I will see in some future time when what I thought I
    saw will show itself for everyone to see?
    [She stares at the crudely drawn picture of an elephant foaming at the
    mouth. She crumples it up and tosses it over her shoulder.]
    Minako(cheery): Oh well. I'm sure that what I saw will show itself soon,
    so I should stop worrying about seeing foaming elephants and get on with
    my life, ne?
    [She transforms and leaps out the window.
    [Five minutes later...
    [The door to the room bursts open and Luna, Chibi-Usa, and Artemis
    skid into the room.]
    Luna: Minna! There's a youma... (looks around)
    Chibi-Usa: I think we missed them.
    Artemis(dry): I hadn't noticed.
    [Cut to street where the battle is still raging on. The Senshi are in bad
    shape. Mercury and Mars are out cold, and the monster is busy spinning
    webs around Jupiter. Oddly enough, the Italian Stallion and Sailor Moon
    seem to be having an interesting discussion.]
    Moon(displaying her hair): And I brush it every night before I go to bed
    with one hundred even strokes.
    Stallion: You know, I heard that you could cause your hair to fall out if
    you do that.
    Moon: I don't know if that's true or not, but this is a fanfic, so we can
    pretty much do whatever we want and get away with it.
    Stallion: Really?
    Moon: Sure! Why, if I felt like it, I could break up with my Mamo-chan and
    go out with you. But I would never do that.
    Stallion: Oh? Why not?
    Moon: Well, for one thing, Mamo-chan is ten times cuter than you are.
    Stallion(shouting): HE IS NOT!!! NO ONE IS CUTER THAN I AM!!!
    Moon(nonplussed): I'm sorry, Stallion-san. But it's the truth.
    [Meanwhile, Venus has joined the battle. She's freed Sailor Jupiter, and
    the two of them are kicking the monster's butt. Mars wakes up, looks
    around angrily, and joins in the fray.]
    Stallion: Impossible. I am studliness incarnate. Nothing is more manly and
    prettier than me. (smiles evilly) And to prove it, I will kill this
    Mamo-chan!
    Moon: I'm afraid you can't do that.
    [Mercury has also regained concousness. With her help, the Senshi manage
    to defeat the monster.]
    Stallion: And why is that? Who's gonna stop me?
    [He looks around and realizes that his monster is nothing more than a pile
    a dust just waiting for a broom. He swallows.]
    Stallion: Oh crap.
    [A rose flys through the air, whizzing straight past his face. The stem
    imbeds itself in the mirror, cracking it. The Italian Stallion clutches
    his face and screams in agony.]
    Stallion: My face! My beautiful, valueble, priceless face!
    [He turns and sees Tuxedo Kamen standing next to Sailor Moon, another rose
    held in his hand. The Stallion's eyes glow with hatred.]
    Stallion: I will not let you get away this, Cape Boy! I will track you
    down and destroy you! (shouts) BLACK STALLION CHARGE!!!
    [His horse appears and, once again, bowls over the Senshi. With one hand
    still pressed to his face, he mounts and gallops off. Both horse and rider
    swiftly vanish.]
    [Setting: A rooftop overlooking the street.
    The Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen are watching the scene below as police
    help the more injured people inside the hospital.]
    Moon(to Tuxedo Kamen): Thanks for saving... Hey, wait a minute, you didn't
    save us. Why did you help out, Tuxedo Kamen-sama?
    Tuxedo Kamen(shrugs): I just felt like it. Besides, it's not fair that my
    Usako show up without me. I can't let you have all the glory, now can I?
    [The love birds get completly lost in each others eyes. Mars starts making
    gagging noises.]
    Jupiter(smug, to Mars): You're just jealous that Yuuichiro won't look at
    you like that.
    [Jupiter laughs and takes off running. Mars flushes, then gives chase,
    occasionaly shooting fireballs at the taller Senshi, which Jupiter dodges
    with ease. They vanish into the distance.]
    [Mercury and Venus look at one another and sigh.]
    Venus: Well this episode went fairly well, didn't it?
    Mercury: I don't think it was very logical.
    Venus(claps Mercury on the back): Of course it wasn't logical! You know
    what they say: 'If the world was a logical place, than men would ride
    horses side-saddle!'
    Mercury: Where do you get this stuff? No. Never mind. I don't want to
    know.
    [In the distance, a building bursts into flames and we hear Mars' furious
    screams.
    Fade out.]
    ******THE END (for now!)******
    Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com
    This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.
    


	3. The Itallian Stallion Goes to the Glue F...


    Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the entire
    fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.
    Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys.
     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor
     Episode 3: "The Italian Stallion Goes to the Glue Factory"
    [Setting: Usagi's room.
    Usagi is on her bed sleeping. Luna enters from the open window. She
    looks at Usagi and sighs heavily.]
    Luna: Geez, with the way she sleeps one would think that she spends all of
    her time doing exhausting work instead of just blowing up youma.
    Usagi: I heard that, Luna.
    Luna: That's good. Normally you don't hear anything I say.
    [Usagi rolls onto her back and covers her face with her pillow.]
    Usagi(muffled): That is not true! I hear a lot of what you say.
    Luna(sarcastic): Oh yes, of course you do.
    Usagi(muffled): I just don't listen to what you say.
    [Luna facefaults. After a moment, she leaps onto Usagi's chest.]
    Luna(shouts): And that is why you are the lazy crybaby that you are!
    [Usagi bolts upright.]
    Usagi(shouts): I AM NOT LAZY!!!
    Luna(screaming): WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ***SPLAT***
    [Usagi blinks, then stands up and goes over to where Luna hit the wall.]
    Usagi: Uh, Luna? Are you okay?
    [Luna doesn't answer. Usagi grabs a pen from off of her table and pokes
    the cat. Luna doesn't respond.]
    Usagi(worried): Uh oh...
    [Chibi-Usa and Artemis choose this moment to walk in. Artemis takes one
    look at Luna and freaks.]
    Artemis: LUNA!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    (rounds on Usagi) MURDERER!!!
    [Artemis leaps for Usagi, claws extended--
    --And Usagi sits up gasping. She looks around and is relieved to find
    herself in her room, alone.]
    Usagi: Thank goodness, it was just a dream.
    [She gets out of the bed. Cut to the kitchen where Ikouko and Kenji are
    sitting. They are reading seperate sections of a newspaper. Usagi wanders
    in looking extremly tired. She goes to the refrigerator and opens it.]
    Ikouko(not looking up): You're up early, Usagi.
    Usagi: Yeah, well, I had a bad dream.
    Ikouko: And would that bad dream explain why you slept in your school
    uniform?
    [Usagi looks down and realizes that she is, in fact, in her school
    uniform. Only now it is a very rumpled and wrinkled school uniform.]
    Usagi(puzzled): That's strange. I don't remember going to sleep in this.
    (shrugs) Oh well.
    [Usagi grabs a carton of orange juice and a glass. She sits down at the
    table, pours herself a cup, and stops to stare at the carton.]
    Kenji: Is something wrong, daughter?
    Usagi: I can't read the carton. The writing's all messed up.
    Ikouko: That's because you can't read in dreams.
    Usagi: So this is a dream, too?
    Kenji: Yep.
    Usagi: So how do I wake up?
    Ikouko: Well, the usual method is to scare yourself into waking up.
    Usagi: And how do I do that?
    Kenji: Like this.
    [Both of Usagi's parents morph into giant bowling balls. Usagi screams--
    --And wakes up in her room. She sighs heavily.]
    Usagi: Man, that was wierd.
    Voice: And it's not over yet!
    Usagi(looking around): Who said that?
    Voice: I did!
    [Usagi turns towards the sound of the voice. Standing on her table is a
    small elephant that just happens to be foaming at the mouth.]
    Usagi: What the?! Who are you?
    Schmoe: I'm the Schmoe, the Rabid Elephant(TM).
    Usagi(blinks): What are you doing in my room?
    Schmoe: I was sent here to give you a very important message.
    Usagi: Okay, let's hear it.
    Schmoe(clears throat, shouts): GET UP USAGI BEFORE YOU'RE LATE FOR SCHOOL!
    [Usagi screams and sits up. She is in her room. The elephant is gone. Luna
    is asleep at the foot of the bed. Usagi glances at her clock.]
    Usagi(wailing): Oh no! I'm soooo late!
    [Usagi leaps out of the bed and rushes madly about in her normal morning
    routine.]
    Luna(muttered): It's about time. I'd thought she'd never wake up.
    [Setting: An office (not Stephanie's).
    Sitting at the writing desk is what you would consider a complelty
    ordinary man dressed in green, Robin Hood style, hunting leathers. That
    is, if it wasn't for the fact that the man was covered with brown fur and
    had an uncanny resemblance to a werewolf. The werewolf (Lupis) is
    carefully building a house of cards. He is about to place the last card
    when the door slams open, a figure darts in, and the door slams shut.
    Lupis stares in apprehension as the house of cards sways before settling
    down. He breaths an immense sigh of relief and places the last card on top
    of the house. He leans back and grins.]
    Lupis(pleased): Finished!
    [He peers over the top of the house at the cowering figure near his door.]
    Lupis(irritated): Can I help you with something, I.S.?
    [The Italian Stallion (now wearing a mask on half of his face) rushes to
    the windows and closes the blinds. He gazes around suspiciously.]
    Stallion: Are we alone?
    Lupis: Of course we're alone. What's wrong with you? And why are wearing
    that mask?
    Stallion: It is a very long story. One that would chill you to the bone if
    you heard it.
    Lupis: Somehow I doubt that...
    Stallion: And as much as I would like to share with you my story of pain
    and agony, I am a afraid that I cannot.
    Lupis(dry): Such a shame. I would have loved to hear it.
    [The Italian Stallion shoots Lupis a Look.]
    Stallion: I'll pretend that I didn't hear that. (pauses) Anyway, I came to
    ask for your help.
    [Lupis' eyebrows raise in surprise.]
    Stallion: I need to get out of Japan before Stephanie gets back.
    Lupis: Let me guess, your attempt to take over the city was a dismal
    failure?
    Stallion: Well I wouldn't put it in those exact words, but yes. That's
    basically it.
    Lupis: Do you have any clue how much trouble you are in?
    Stallion: Look, are you going to help me or not?
    Lupis(grin): Sure, I'll help you! Let me just get the Big Book of
    What-to-Do's.
    [Lupis reaches underneath his desk and pulls out a huge book. He looks
    around for a place to put it, sighs, and sweeps the house of cards off of
    his desk with one arm. He sets the book down and opens it.]
    Lupis: Let's just see what we can find. (flips, reads) 'What to do if your
    father is an evil high school principal bent on taking over the world by
    brainwashing students.' (flips, reads) 'What to do if you accidentaly
    capture Pokemon #000 and screw up your Game Boy's graphics.' (flips,
    reads) 'What to do when the only words your teachers can think of to
    describe you are "wierd", "really disturbed", and "the strangest person I
    have ever met."' (flips, reads) 'What to do if your Dungeon Master gives
    your entire party of level One characters cursed Rings of Contrariness and
    puts you in a situation where teamwork is essential.' (flips, reads) 'What
    to do when your DM decides that wasn't enough and throws in a couple of
    Lich Dragons just so she can laugh at your expense.' (pauses) Now that
    sounds interesting...
    Stallion(impatient): Can you get to the useful stuff?
    Lupis(shrugs): Okay. (flips a lot, reads) Here we go. 'What to do when a
    power hungry evil woman is going to kill an annoying, egotistical, vain,
    self-centered, pretty boy that's been getting on her nerves.' (looks up)
    Pretty exact, aren't they? (reads, blinks) Hey, there's a subtitle.
    (reads) 'Or the "I want to die pretty" situation.' (pauses) I don't get
    it.
    Stallion: Who cares if you don't get it? What does it say?
    Lupis: Oh, well, let's see. (reads, looks up) It says, 'You're screwed.'
    Stallion(angry): It does not say that!
    [He grabs the book and turns it so he can read it.]
    Stallion(reading aloud): 'You're screwed.'
    [He stares at the page for a few seconds more, then collapses on the floor
    and starts to bawl. Lupis gets up and claps the Stallion on the back.]
    Lupis(cheerful): It was nice knowing you, I.S.
    [On cue, Stallion starts freaking out. He leaps up and grabs Lupis by the
    shirt.]
    Stallion(shout): I can't die! I'm too young to die! If I die then all
    perfection goes with me!
    Lupis(rolls eyes): In your dreams.
    Stallion(ignoring him, frantic): You've got to help me, Lupis. I've got to
    get out of here!
    Lupis(hesitant): I don't know, I.S. You haven't exactly been the world's
    best friend.
    Stallion: I'll give you anything you want! You want money?
    [He reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a wad of money. He tosses
    it onto the desk.]
    Stallion: Here, take it! Take anything, just please, PLEASE get me out of
    here before Stephanie gets back!
    [While Lupis is considering, the door opens. A young teenage woman (approx
    18) strolls in and heads for the desk. She is dressed in a pair of jeans
    and a t-shirt that reads "Been There. Done That. Got the T-Shirt." (Cal)
    She starts rummaging through the drawers of the desk.]
    Cal(bland): Yo, Wolfdude, where's your stapler?
    Lupis(annoyed): If you don't mind, *Cal*, I'm currently busy.
    [Cal stops and looks up.]
    Cal(bland): Yes, I can see that. (pauses) The two of you really should get
    a hotel room.
    [The two men quickly seperate. Lupis looks furious.]
    Lupis(angry): How dare you suspect me of having relations with this- this
    HUMAN!?
    [Cal produces a small, foam ball from somewhere. She tosses it between her
    hands and smiles. She holds the ball up.]
    Cal(cooing): C'mon boy! Get the ball! You want that ball, don't you?
    [Lupis is visibly trying to restrain himself. After a brief internal
    battle, he gives up and leaps at her, tounge lolling and panting. Cal
    grins and vanishes. Lupis crashes headfirst into the wall behind her,
    getting his head stuck in the process. Cal re-appears behind him and
    shakes her head.]
    Cal(muttered): Typical dog. (to Stallion) I couldn't help overhearing your
    pathetic pleas to save your life. (produces a plane ticket) It just so
    happens that I was about to take my vacation to Bermuda. I'll give it to
    you--
    [She holds up a hand as the Stallion rushes towards her. He skids to a
    stop. Cal waves a finger at him.]
    Cal: Hold your horses!
    Stallion(winces): Must you say that?
    [Cal blinks, then winces and groans.]
    Cal: Hey, there was no pun intended. (pauses) As I was saying, I'll give
    it to you, IF I get the Stereo from Hell.
    Stallion(incredoulous): You want my stereo?
    Cal: Yep.
    Stallion(incredoulous): That's it? That's all you want?
    [Cal nods. Stallion leaps forward and kisses her. He grabs the tickets and
    runs out the door.]
    Stallion(shouting): I owe you one, Cal!
    Cal(grinning evilly, shouts): Think nothing of it, I.S. (thought) After
    all, I was just following Stephanie's orders.
    [Cal gloats. She is about to leave when she hears a yelping noise behind
    her. She turns around and realizes that Lupis is still stuck in the wall.]
    Cal(annoyed): Oh for crying out loud...
    [Setting: Outer space, looking down on the Earth.]
    Lackey(eager): So, Master, what do you think?
    Master: I think it sucks.
    Lackey: B-But why?
    Master: Cuz I said so.
    Lackey(disipointed): Oh.
    [Silence.]
    Lackey(eager): You want me to kill them?
    Master: No.
    Lackey(disippointed): Oh.
    [Silence.]
    Lackey(eager): You want me to --
    Master: ***WHAP** (evil laughter)
    Lackey: OUCH! Why'd you do that?
    Master: Cuz I felt like it.
    Lackey(disippointed): Oh.
    [Silence.]
    Lackey(whiny): Can't I do something?
    Master: You can shut up.
    Voice: Shut up, yerself.
    Master(angry): WHO DARES --
    Voice: ***BOOM***
    Master: ARRGGGHHH!
    [A star flares brightly, then winks out.]
    Lackey(panicking): Oh my God, you killed my master!
    Voice(dry): My aren't you smart. ***BOOM***
    Lackey: ARRGGGHHH!
    [Another star flares and winks out.]
    Voice(laughing evilly): There, that should teach the Author not to write
    pointless scenes. (pauses) Hey, that was fun. I think I'll go do that
    again.
    [Setting: Juubaan Elementary.
    Ami is sitting at her desk, listening attentivly to the teacher and
    taking detailed notes. Usagi is sitting at her desk, asleep. Makoto is
    sitting at the back of the room, also sleeping. In fact, everyone, with
    the exception being Ami, is asleep. The teacher is standing at the
    chalkboard, his back to the class, droning on about the fundementals of
    the Chaos Theory. The bell rings, signaling lunch. There is a loud
    ***WHOOSH*** and the room is suddenly empty. Well, almost empty. Ami is
    looking around in surprise at all of the empty chairs. The teacher
    continues to drone on.]
    Ami: Um, excuse me, Sensei.
    [The teacher turns around and stares at her.]
    Teacher: Yes, Mizuno-san?
    Ami: Everybody's left for lunch.
    [The teacher blinks and adjusts his glasses. He peers around the room,
    confused.]
    Teacher: So it would seem. (pauses) Very well. You are dismissed for
    lunch, Mizuno-san.
    [He turns back to the board and continues to lecture. Ami stands
    uncertainly.]
    Ami(hesitates): Uh, Sensei?
    [The teacher doesn't answer. Ami shrugs, picks up her bookbag, and leaves.
    Cut to outside. Usagi and Makoto have found a tree to sit under. Usagi is
    busy eating. Makoto is staring into space. Ami approaches them.]
    Ami: You really ought to slow down, Usagi-chan. If you're not careful, you
    might start choking.
    [Usagi grunts vaugely. Ami sighs and sits down next to Makoto. Makoto
    doesn't blink.]
    Ami(mutters): Soemtimes I really wonder about her. (Aloud, to Makoto) Can
    I tell you something, Mako-chan?
    [Makoto doesn't stir. Ami doesn't notice.]
    Ami: It's really wierd, but lately it seems as if our lives were not our
    own. That some strange, mysterious force were guiding our words, our
    actions, our very lives. But what does this force want with a group of
    teenage girls? Wouldn't you agree that it would have been better if
    someone older and more experienced handled these situations, eh Mako-chan?
    [She realizes that Makoto is still staring into space.]
    Ami(concerned): Mako-chan? Are you okay?
    [Usagi takes this moment to still Makoto's lunch. Makoto blinks and looks
    at Ami in surprise.]
    Makoto: Ami-chan? When did you get here?
    Ami(sighs): Did you hear a word I said?
    Makoto(sheepishly): I'm sorry, Ami-chan. I was busy trying to figure out
    what chairs would look like if our knees bent the other way.
    Ami: Why that's simple. They would look like... like...
    [Ami frowns and settles down in thought. Makoto does likewise. Usagi
    glances at them, and steals Ami's lunch.]
    Usagi(laughs evilly): I knew that question would keep those two occupied.
    [She starts to eat, and pauses.]
    Usagi(confused): But what would chairs look like if our knees bent the
    other way? (snorts) And who cares?
    [Usagi finishes off Makoto's lunch and starts eating Ami's.]
    [Setting: The North Pole.
    A woman dressed in black, with long purple hair is trudging through a
    fierce snow storm, looking very annoyed.]
    Woman(imitating Stephanie): "How hard can it be to find a man encased in
    crystal?" (normal voice) Stupid Baka company President. Does she have any
    clue how *big* the North Pole is?
    [She trips on something and lands face first in the snow.]
    Woman: Ack! (angry) That's it!
    [A purple battle aura surrounds her. She rises several feet into the air
    and gestures with her hands.]
    Woman(shouts): HALT!
    [The storms stops. She drops back to the ground and brushes the snow off
    of her. Grumbling, she turns to see what she tripped over. A large smile
    spreads across her face.]
    Woman: Finally! Now I can get out of this place!
    [She vanishes in a flash of purple light, and the crystal-encased form of
    Jadeite goes with her.]
    Fade Out.]
    ******THE END (for now!)******
    Author's note: Just in case anyone's wondering, Schmoe is a real elephant,
    (Alright, alright. He's one of those beanie baby look-alikes. Satisfied?)
    and is not a figment of the Author's twisted imagination. But don't tell
    him that. He doesn't like being reminded of that. One last thing. The
    reference to AD&D. No, I haven't done that to my players...yet. Hey, they
    don't call me the DB (Dungeon B***h) for nothing!
    Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com
    This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.
    


	4. Dreams


    Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the
    entire fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.
    Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad
    guys.
     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor
     Episode 4: "Dreams"
    [Setting: The Lake at Sunset.
    Usagi and Mamoru are sitting on a bench, staring at the setting
    sun. Usagi snuggles up to him and he puts his arm around her. They
    look up into each other's eyes. Their heads move closer... Closer...
    Closer...]
    Luna(voice only): Will the two of you kiss already?
    [Usagi turns to her right and blows a raspberry. Luna, perched on the
    branch of a nearby tree, rolls her eyes.]
    Luna(sarcastic): *Very* mature, Usagi-chan.
    Usagi: Why don't you just go somewhere else?
    Luna: Because somebody needs to make sure that you get home in time
    to do your homework.
    [Usagi sticks her tounge out and returns to staring into Mamoru's
    eyes.]
    Usagi(soft): Oh, Mamo-chan...
    Mamoru(soft): Usako...
    [They move to kiss.]
    Luna(irritated): Gag me.
    [Before contact occurs, Usagi whirls around. Mamoru doesn't notice
    and winds up getting smacked by her ponytails.]
    Mamoru: Ack!
    [Usagi searches around, finds a rock, and throws it Luna. The cat
    doesn't even move as the rock sails off somewhere to her right.]
    Luna(sarcastic): Nice shot, Usagi-chan.
    Usagi: Why you dirty little -- C'mon Mamo-chan! We'll find someplace
    private to smooch!
    [She stands and stalks off past Mamoru, not noticing that one of her
    ponytails somehow manages to wrap itself around his neck.]
    Mamoru(startled): Eh, Usako...
    [Usagi keeps walking. Mamoru clutches his throat, unsuceussfully
    trying to remove Usagi's steadily tightening hair.]
    Luna: Why don't you just get up, Cape Boy?
    Mamoru(strangled): I -- *urk* -- can't -- *choke* -- help...
    [Mamoru passes out. He topples from the bench. Usagi's hair yanks her
    back and she crashes next to him.]
    Usagi: Oh my God! Mamo-chan!
    [She unwraps her hair and rolls him onto his back.]
    Usagi: I hope I remember how to give mouth-to-mouth properly.
    [She proceeds to give him mouth-to-mouth. Mamoru's eyes shoot open.
    He realizes what is happening and gives the camera the "thumb's up"
    sign. Luna rolls her eyes again and sighs.]
    [Setting: A dance club.
    Loud music is playing (currently Cher's "Believe") and people are
    out on the dance floor. With the exception of the strobe lights, it's
    really dark. Around the floor are many tables, some occupied. Sitting
    at one table are Minako and Rei dressed in dance club attire.]
    Minako(shouts): Not bad for an American dance club, ne Rei-chan?
    Rei(shouts): What? I can't hear you!
    Minako(shouts): What did you say?
    Rei(shouts): I can't hear you, Minako-chan!
    Minako(shakes head, shouts): I'm sorry, Rei-chan, but I can't hear a
    word you're saying!
    Rei(shouts): What?
    Minako(shouts): Never mind!
    [Cher is replaced by Harvey Dangers' "Flagpole Sitta".]
    Minako(shouts): I never understand the point of this song.
    Rei(shouts): Neither do I, but I think it's about a crazy guy.
    Minako(shouts): Oh.
    [They listen for several seconds.]
    Rei(shouts): Should I even bother asking how you managed to get ahold
    of fake IDs?
    Minako(singing):'Put me in the hospital for nerves
       And then they had to commit me.
     You told them all I was crazy.
     They cut off my legs now
     I'm an amputee, God--'
    Rei(shouts): Hello Minako-chan! Did you hear me?
    Minako(shouts): Huh? What did you say, Rei-chan?
    [Rei mutters something acidic.]
    Rei(shouts): Where'd you get the IDs?
    Minako(shouts): Ask Mako-chan. She got them for me.
    Rei(shouts): Where is Mako-chan?
    Minako(shouts): Last I saw she was with this group of American hunks.
    [Music change: A funky 70's disco remix. After a few beats, Makoto
    waltzes up to them with three embarresed looking American sailors in
    tow.]
    Makoto(shouts, slurred, to sailors): Here they are. (to Minako and
    Rei) Hey guys! Howz it hangin'?
    Rei(shouts): Mako-chan, are you drunk?
    Makoto(shouts): No... Wait. Define 'drunk.'
    [Rei buries her head into her hands and sighs heavily.]
    Minako(shouts): Who's your friends?
    Makoto(shouts): This is Joey-san, Butch-san, and Emilio-san. They're
    sailors.
    [She points to each in turn.]
    Minako(shouts): Yeah, so I noticed.
    Makoto(shouts): I told them that we're sailors, too. I don't think
    they understood me though, cuz they only speak English.
    [She drops into a nearby chair.]
    Makoto(small): I don't feel so good...
    [Makoto passes out on the table with a thud. Minako sighs and
    stands.]
    Minako(English): I must apologize for my friend. I have no idea how
    she managed to get you guys to buy her alcohol. Especially since her
    language skills are as crappy as another friend of mine.
    Joey(English): Actually, we had no clue she was Japanese.
    Minako(English, surprised): But her accent...
    [The trio of men look at each other in confusion.]
    Joey(English): What accent?
    [Minako glances at Makoto and realizes that the taller Senshi is
    mumbling in her sleep. She leans down to hear her.]
    Makoto(perfect, flawless English): No, I don't want one of those.
    What would I do with it, silly? (shocked) I couldn't do *that*! My
    mom would kill me! (amused) Don't let anybody else hear you say
    that... (sighs) Oh, Ryouga-chan... (giggle) Sure, I'll call you
    P-chan instead...
    [Minako straightens up, looking faintly ill.]
    Minako(thought): That's it. No more Ranma 1/2 for her. (aloud) I
    think it's time we got Mako-chan home, ne Rei-chan?
    Rei: Yeah. Whatever.
    [Minako jabs Rei (who glares at her) and smiles politely at the
    sailors. She grabs one of Makoto's arms. Rei takes the other and,
    together, they manage to get her into a standing position.]
    Minako(English, shouts): It's been really nice meeting you.
    [The three Americans wave and walk off. Rei and Minako share a look.
    Rei nudges Makoto.]
    Rei(angry): Hey, Little Miss Plastered?
    Makoto(groggy): Huh?
    Rei: Think you can walk straight?
    Makoto(groggy): Define 'straight.'
    Rei(muttered): Kami-sama help me, before I kill her.
    [Setting: Makoto's Apartment.
    From the front door there is the sound of muffled swearing.]
    Rei(muffled): Dang it! Hold her up, Minako-chan.
    Minako(muffled): Okay, but hurry it up. She's starting to drool on
    me.
    [The door opens to admit two very tired looking senshi and one
    totally wasted senshi. Minako helps/carries/drags Makoto to the couch
    while Rei closes the door.]
    Minako: Maybe we should've transformed. It might've made carrying her
    easier.
    Rei(angry): No. If I was Sailor Mars now, I'd proabably kick her
    drunken butt.
    Minako: Well, we've still got to get her to her bedroom.
    Rei: Says who?
    Minako(shocked): We just can't leave her here, Rei-chan.
    Rei: Oh yeah? Watch me.
    [Rei leaves. Minako glances at Makoto, then at the open door. She
    sighs.]
    Minako: She could've at least waited for me.
    [Minako carefully shifts Makoto so that she's laying on her stomach.]
    Minako: Okay, Mako-chan. Don't puke till you're sober.
    [Minako leaves.]
    [Setting: Makoto in a bed (we can't see the rest of the room).
    Makoto groans and stirs.]
    Makoto(muttered): Man, I feel awful. I think I overdid the sake last
    night.
    [She rolls onto her back and stretches. Her arm hits something that
    groans drowsily.]
    Makoto(startled): Huh?
    [She sits up and rips the covers off of the other side of the bed. A
    girl is sleeping there. She opens her eyes and peers blearily at
    Makoto. Then she bolts upright.]
    Alielle: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Makoto: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Alielle: Who the hell are you? Where's Fatora?
    Makoto: I'm Kino Makoto and what are you doing in my bed? And who is
    Fatora?
    Alielle(blinks): Your Makoto? What happened to you?
    Voice One: We meant to tell you, Alielle.
    Voice Two: We just never found the time.
    Alielle(angry): Shayla? Nanami? What is going on?
    [Two women pop in from out of nowhere, greatly scaring Makoto.]
    Nanami: Um well. You see...
    Shayla-Shayla: Makoto had an unfortunte accident with a cursed
    Chinese spring. Whenever cold water gets thrown on him, he turns into
    a girl.
    Alielle(grins): Is that so? Well, I can certainly see a benefit to
    that curse.
    [Makoto screams and leaps out of the bed.]
    Makoto: You are not going to touch me, you wacko! (pauses) Wait a
    minute, 'cursed Chinese spring?' (horrified) Oh no. OH NO. (wails)
    I'm stuck in the Ranmaverse!!!!!
    Shayla: We've already been through this, Makoto. You are stuck in
    El-Hazard.
    [A wall explodes behind them, shattering debris everywhere. A man is
    left standing in the gaping hole.]
    Fujisawa(shouts): Where's my sake? I can't stand being sober!
    (pauses, apalled) Makoto-san, how dare you insult your school by
    getting a sex-change operation! FUJISAWA KICK!!!
    Makoto(panicking):AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
    [Makoto turns and runs--
    --Straight into another wall, knocking herself out cold.]
    [Setting: An immense laboratory.
    A short, schololy looking woman in glasses in a white lab coat
    (Dr. Drexyl) is standing in front of the entrance to a large room.
    Occasionaly she will look at the clipboard she's holding and will
    make notes on it. From within the room there is a loud boom then an
    insane giggle.]
    Drexyl: Interesting.
    [Stephanine, looking tired, and the purple-haired woman from episode
    three walk over to her.]
    Stephanie: Hello, Dr. Drexyl.
    Drexyl: Hmm...
    [***BOOM***. Giggle]
    Stephanie: Lupis tells me that things are going according to plan.
    Drexyl(absently): That's good, dear.
    [***BOOM***. Giggle]
    Stephanie: Then I take it that you've sucuessfully brought Jadeite
    out of his stasis?
    Drexyl: In a manner of speaking, yes.
    [***BOOM***. Giggle]
    Stephanie: What do you mean? Did you have trouble unthawing him?
    Drexyl: Oh no. Not at all.
    [***BOOM***. Giggle]
    Stephaine: Then what is it?
    Drexyl: Well, although we took many precautions, we just didn't
    realize --
    [***BOOM***. Giggle]
    Drexyl: -- how strong Beryl's magic affected Jadeite's mind.
    Stephanie: So in other words?
    [***BOOM***. Giggle]
    Stephanie(annoyed): What *is* that noise?
    Drexyl(smiles): In other words, Jadeite is nuts. (points to the room)
    Take a look for yourself.
    [***BOOM***. Giggle]
    [Stephanie glances at the woman behind her. The woman shrugs.
    Stephanie sighs and turns to look into the room. Inside the room is a
    single bed. Sitting on the bed, still in his uniform, is Jadeite,
    grinning like the madman that he is. Jadeite lifts his right hand and
    points his index finger at his mouth. His thumb is sticking out and
    his other three fingers are curled in. Still grinning, he brings his
    thumb down to touch his index finger. There is a loud boom as fire
    and smoke erupts from his finger. It is quickly followed by an insane
    giggle. When the smoke clears, Jadeite's mouth is laying on the bed
    beside him. He picks it up with his other hand and puts it back on
    his face. Grinning, he lifts his right hand to his mouth...
    Stephanie stares at this for five minutes. Slowly she turns to
    stare at Dr. Drexyl.]
    Stephanie: What is going on?
    Drexyl: That's just it; we don't know. After we defrosted him, I had
    him placed in this isolated chamber. Shortly thereafter, he sat down
    on the bed and started doing that.
    Stephanie: And what, pray tell, is he doing?
    Drexyl: Why, isn't it obvious? He's shooting his mouth off.
    [Stephanie has developed another facial twitch. Behind her, the woman
    is banging her head against a wall.]
    Stephanie(strained): Is he doing that with magic?
    Drexyl: No. (pauses, smiles) He's using a handgun.
    Stephanie(weary): If I didn't value my own life so intensly, I'd
    shoot myself.
    Drexyl(shrugs): Hey, I can't help it if he's using puns as weapons.
    [Stephanie massages her temples.]
    Drexyl: There is, however, a plus side to all of this.
    Stephanie(weary): Which is?
    Drexyl: His insanity can be harnessed and distilled.
    Stephanie(blinks): What?
    [Drexyl withdraws a small vial containing a green, glowing liquid
    from her labcoat.]
    Drexyl: Presenting FALCORP's new product: Insanity for men. We should
    have Insanity for women ready any day now.
    Stephanie(takes vial): What does it do?
    Drexyl: Just what it says. It makes the person go completly nuts. But
    I must warn you, there are side effects.
    Stephanie: Which are?
    Drexyl: Well, the victim's particular insanity stems from what they
    were thinking about at the time they were exposed to the insanity
    drug.
    Woman: Hey, Steph, let me see that.
    [Stephanie hands the vial to the woman, not noticing that she
    accidentally spills a drop on herself.]
    Drexyl: And then there's the little problem that, because Jadeite's
    insanity was partially caused by magic, whatever the victim thinks is
    happening is somehow manifested in the physical plane.
    [Stephanie is humming. She blinks in surprise.]
    Stephanie: Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. I was just a little pre-occupied
    at the moment. I was thinking of the oddest thing... Ahem, at any
    rate, what did you say?
    Drexyl(sighs): I said if the victim thinks it's happening, then it
    will happen in real life.
    Stephanie(absently): Is that so? (to woman) Tell Lupis that I want
    this stuff spread all over the city. And tell him I want him to do
    the spreading personally. Got it?
    [The woman gives the vial to Dr. Drexyl. She salutes and vanishes in
    a flash of purple light.]
    Stephanie(to herself): This may be a good day after all...
    Drexyl: Um, Ms. Hawks? Are you okay?
    [Stephanie smiles a smile that screams "The men in white are coming
    to take me away!". Dr. Drexyl takes a step back and shudders.]
    Stephanie(still smiling that creepy smile of hers, sweetly): Of
    course I'm okay, Dr. Drexyl. Why wouldn't I be?
    [She tilts her head back and starts to laugh insanely. She stops
    abrubtly, regaining all of her self-control in an instant. Dr. Drexyl
    takes another step back.]
    Stephanie(scary): If you tell anyone else about my chocolate, I
    *will* kill you.
    [Stephanie turns and walks away.]
    Drexyl(slow): Ooookay.
    [She glances at Jadeite.]
    Drexyl: And I thought you were nuts.
    [Jadeite grins insanely.]
    Jadeite(serious): I'm not nuts. I'm Tofu. Are you in need of a
    doctor?
    [Fade out.]
    ******THE END (for now!)******
    Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com
    This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.
    


	5. Sanity doesn't reign it billows


    Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the
    entire fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.
    Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad
    guys.
     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor
     Episode 5: "Sanity Doesn't Reign, It Billows."
    [Setting: Tokyo at night.
    [It's really late, around 3 a.m. Nobody's out and the streets are
    quiet. Or are they? Several figures move through the darkness, going
    swiftly from house to house. One of them stops in the middle of the
    street. Soon another goes up to him.]
    Lupis: How are things going?
    Man: Just as you expected, Master Lupis.
    Lupis: You are having no difficulty setting the Insanity bombs?
    Man: No sir.
    Lupis: How about at the apartment complexes?
    Man: They said that they're not having any trouble either.
    Lupis: Good. Very good.
    [A third man runs up to them and salutes.]
    Man 2: Master Lupis, all of the houses on the street have been
    rigged.
    Lupis: Excellant. Set the timers and regroup at the park.
    [The second man salutes again and heads off.]
    Lupis: Contact the other teams. Tell them to hurry things up. I want
    to go to -
    [He stops talking and cocks his head to one side, listening. He
    smiles.]
    Lupis: Do you hear that?
    Man: Hear what, sir?
    Lupis: It sounds like... like...
    [Abrubtly, he tilts his head back and let's out a howl of pure
    delight.]
    Lupis(ecstatic): Pizza Delivery Man!
    [He bounds off into the darkness. The man looks after him, confused
    and slightly embarressed.]
    Man: I have got to get a better job.
    [He walks away. On a nearby rooftop, Luna and Artemis glance at each
    other.]
    Luna: This looks bad.
    Artemis: Really bad. We better get the Senshi.
    [The two cats scamper off. Time drags by and the sun slowly peeks its
    head up over the horizon. As the first rays of dawn touch the houses,
    there is a loud hissing noise and the street fills with a green, glowing fog
    that drifts through the walls and into the houses.]
    [Setting: Juubaan Elementry School. Ami approaches the gates and
    stops, shocked. Looking inside the school grounds reveals total chaos. Kids
    are chasing one another, but some of them are wielding laser guns,
    slingshots, lightsabers, giant stuffed animals, and other various odd weapons.
    Ami ducks and a banana cream pie goes flying over her head.]
    Ami: What is going on here?
    [Naru runs up to her and hits Ami in the back.]
    Naru(shouts): You're it, Ami-san!
    [Naru runs off. Ami stares after her. Slowly, a large, insane grin
    spreads across her face.]
    Ami(shouts): Just you wait, Osaka Naru! I'll get you!
    [She chases after Naru. Neither of them are paying any attention to
    where they are going, and are taken completley by surprise when they both
    crash head first into Umino. Umino recovers first, sees Ami, and glomps
    onto her.]
    Umino(scared): You've got to save me, Ami-san. Your friend is going
    nuts.
    Ami: Which friend?
    [A shadow falls over them. The trio look up to see Makoto. Unlike all
    of the other students, Makoto is dressed in a heavily wrinkled pair of
    jeans and an equally wrinkled shirt with P-chan on the front and Ryouga on
    the back. There is a large bandage wrapped around her head, barely hiding
    the large lump there. Makoto is really pissed. And not just any type of
    'really pissed.' Oh no. She's pissed to the point where, even though
    this isn't that type of show, she has an extremely bright green battle
    aura surrounding her. Her eyes latch onto Umino, who visibly flinches.]
    Makoto(deadly): What did I tell you about glomping onto innocent
    young women and removing their personals?
    [Umino makes a pathetic whimpering noise. Ami and Naru suddenly
    realize
    that it is a lot draftier than it was a second ago.]
    Makoto(deadly): I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now,
    Umino-san.
    [Umino leaps up, laughing wildly and waving three pairs of bras in
    the air.]
    Umino: You've gotta catch me first!
    [Umino takes off. Makoto scowls after him.]
    Makoto(deadly): You might want to move, Ami-chan. This is about to
    get really ugly really fast.
    [Ami and Naru, both blushing furiously, hastily move away from the
    glowing Senshi. Makoto sets herself to sprint after him. Her aura glows even
    brighter and little rocks start float off the ground.]
    Makoto: Aw, to hell with it.
    [Her aura winks out and she walks away, muttering angrily. Ami and
    Naru facefault.]
    Naru: What...
    Ami: Don't ask, Naru-san.
    Naru: Okay. (pauses) Shouldn't we go kill Umino for taking our bras?
    Ami(thinks, says): Yes. Yes, we should.
    [They pull out two giant mallets from places undisclosed and chase
    after Umino. They pass the front gate. Usagi is there, watching the ensuing
    chaos and mildly upset. Luna is perched on top of the wall, cleaning
    her paws.]
    Usagi: I don't get it, Luna. How come when I'm finally on time,
    nobody notices?
    Luna: Because they don't want to die of shock.
    Usagi(angry): And what is that supposed to mean?
    Luna: It means that the sight of you on time for anything would kill
    a person. They're ignoring you so that they won't die. It's called
    self-preservation.
    Usagi(incredulous): That can't be right.
    [Makoto approaches them, still grumbling. Usagi sees the bandage and
    gasps. Luna gets a strange look on her face and starts to sniff the
    air.]
    Usagi(concerned): Mako-chan? Are you all right?
    [Makoto keeps walking.]
    Usagi: Uh, Mako-chan?
    Luna(angry): Kino Makoto-san, have you been drinking?
    [Makoto winces and looks up.]
    Makoto(small): Oh. Hi, Luna. Nice weather, ne?
    Usagi: Hello? Are you listening to me?
    Luna(angry): Don't try and change the subject! Have you been
    drinking?
    [Makoto winces again.]
    Makoto: Um...well...you see...
    Luna(impatient): Yes?
    Usagi(shouts): Will you pay attention to me?
    Makoto(fast): It's not my fault, Luna! Honest! It's all Rei-chan and
    Minako-chan's fault! They pressured me into to going! You know how
    those two are! They wouldn't let me refuse! (extremly fast) And then there
    were those extremly cute sailors and they offered to buy me a drink and
    how was I supposed to know that I would have such a lousy tolerance for
    alcohol and you can't blame nothing on me becuase I'm Sailor Jupiter and --
    [She looks around, frantic.]
    Makoto(shouts): IT WAS PEER PRESSURE!!! PEER PRESSURE!!! THAT'S ALL
    IT WAS!!! AAAAHHHH!!!!!
    [She transforms into Sailor Jupiter and runs away. Luna and Usagi
    stare into space for several minutes, then they turn to look at one
    another.]
    Usagi: There is something really strange happening here.
    [There is a loud thunk. They turn to see that Jupiter has run into a
    tree and knocked herself out. A crowd of girls, led by a triumphant Ami
    and Naru, walks past. They are carrying a hogtied and gagged Umino.]
    Ami(shouts): Let's build a fire and burn him at the stake!
    Girls(shout): Yeah!
    [They all troop off.]
    Luna(dry): What was your first clue?
    [Setting: The Hikawa Jinja.
    [Usagi, Makoto, and Ami (carrying Luna) are climbing the front
    steps. Luna keeps glaring at Makoto, who is now sporting a second lump on
    her head.]
    Luna(growl): I can't believe you were drinking, Mako-chan. You're a
    Senshi; people expect you to be more responsible.
    Makoto: Gomen, Luna.
    Luna(angry): You are not sorry!
    [Makoto thinks for a moment and grins.]
    Makoto: No, I'm not.
    Usagi(bored): Oh come off it, Luna. It's not like she murdered
    anyone. (deadly serious, to Makoto) You *didn't* kill anyone, right?
    Makoto(shocked): Of course not, Usagi-chan!
    Usagi(bored): Good.
    Ami: By the way, how did you get the large lump on your head,
    Mako-chan?
    Luna(dry): Which lump?
    [Makoto shoots Luna a Look. She coughs.]
    Makoto(embarressed): Well, Ami-chan, I ran head first into a wall.
    Usagi(bored): Not to mention the tree.
    Makoto(sarcastic): Thank you, Usagi-chan.
    Usagi(bored): No problem.
    Ami: Why on earth did you run into a wall?
    Makoto(annoyed): I don't know! Maybe I just wanted to see what it
    would feel like if I hit a wall at Mach 5!
    Usagi(bored): I'm not sure, Mako-chan, but my guess is that it would
    hurt.
    A lot.
    [Makoto growls something underneath her breath. Ami flushes and Luna
    looks downright mean.]
    Luna(angry): When this meeting is over with, Makoto-chan, you and I
    are going to have a serious talk about what a Senshi should and shouldn't
    say.
    Makoto(small): Hai, Luna.
    [They enter the shrine proper. Rei is there, feeding her two crows
    Phobos and Deimos. She looks up as they approach, sees Makoto, and stands.]
    Rei(cold, to Makoto): I am very surprised, Makoto-san. I didn't think
    that you would dare show your face at this shrine again after what you did
    last night.
    [The others stop. Makoto is very surprised.]
    Makoto: What are you talking about, Rei-chan? I wasn't here last
    night.
    Rei: Then you're denying it?
    Makoto: Denying what?
    Rei(imitaiting Makoto): "C'mon Rei-chan, let's use Yuuichiro-san for
    target practice! I'm sure he won't mind!"
    [Makoto blanches. The others stare at her.]
    Makoto: I didn't say that!
    Rei(angry): Oh yeah!? Then why is Yuuichiro-san in the hospital?
    [At this point, Yuuichiro walks up to them. Rei doesn't notice him.]
    Yuuichiro: Uh, Rei-san?
    Rei(shouts, to Makoto): You electroucuted poor, defenseless
    Yuuichiro-san! You didn't even give him a fair chance!
    Yuuichiro: Rei-san?
    Rei(shouts): Dammit! I was going to ask him if he wanted to go out
    tonight! You've robbed me of my future boyfriend!
    Yuuichiro(surprised): You were really going to ask me out?
    Rei(to Yuuichiro): Shut up, Kumada! Can't you see I'm ranting about
    you! (muttered) Now where was I? Oh yeah... (to Makoto, shouts) I can't
    believe you have the nerve to waltz up here like everything's okay! I never
    want to see you again!
    [She takes a deep breath and whirls on Usagi.]
    Rei(to Usagi, shouts): And if you don't put your head back on right
    this instant, I'm going to punt it into the stratosphere! Do you have any
    clue how annoying it is to have somebody pulling their head off while I'm
    trying to rant?! Of course you don't! You proabaly don't even know
    the meaning of the word 'rant!'
    [By now, everybody has decided that something is seriously wrong with
    Rei. Rei stabs a finger at Luna.]
    Rei(shouts, to Luna): As for you, you walking carpet, I'm no longer
    letting you in my room. Do you know how long it took me to vacum up
    all of the cat hair you shed during our last meeting? Never again! If I see
    you in there then I'm going to put you in a box and mail you to Guam!
    Have I made myself clear?
    Yuuichiro: Uh, Rei-san? Why are you shouting at a cat?
    Rei(to Yuuichiro): *Shut* *up*, Kumada! Can't you see I'm busy?
    [She looks at Ami.]
    Ami: Before you even start, Rei-chan, I was just wondering if you
    have recently inhaled a strange, green, glowing gas.
    Rei(surprised): As a matter of fact, I did.
    Ami: When?
    Rei: Some guys from FALCORP came by this morning and started spraying
    for termites. They said the gas was completely harmless to humans. Why do
    you ask?
    [Ami, Luna, Makoto, and Usagi share a Look and nod.]
    Ami: You were right, Luna. FALCORP is involoved in this.
    Rei: Does this mean I'll have to stop ranting?
    Ami: Only until we stop FALCORP from doing whatever is causing
    everybody to act so strangly.
    Rei(nods): This sounds like Senshi business.
    Makoto: It is, Rei-chan. The reason why we came is to have a meeting.
    Rei: Oh.
    [She looks at Yuuichiro.]
    Rei: I'm sorry, Kumada-san, but you'll have to go find something to
    do.
    Yuuichiro: Sure, Rei-san.
    Rei: And you've got to forget the fact that we just said anything
    that even sounded like Senshi business.
    Yuuichiro(grins): Sure thing, Rei-san! You can count on me!
    [Yuuichiro leaves.]
    Rei: Somehow I knew he'd say that.
    Luna: All we need to do now is find Minako-chan.
    Rei: Have you tried her communicator?
    Makoto: Yeah, but all we got was her voice mail.
    Rei(surprised): Voice mail?! When did we get voice mail on the
    communicators?
    Ami: Last week, when I gave everyone their Senshi Upgrade Ver. 5.8.
    Rei: Does this mean we have new powers again?
    Usagi: Yep, but we have to wait until we're faced with certain doom
    before we can use them.
    Makoto: Or until we're bored. Whichever comes first.
    [Minako's voice can be faintly heard. It rapidly grows louder.]
    Minako's Voice: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
    Luna: What was that?
    Usagi: It sounded like Minako-chan.
    [There is the sound of Artemis screaming. A white bolt streaks past
    Ami, leaps onto Makoto's head and tries to pretend that it doesn't exist.]
    Makoto(surprised): Artemis? What's wrong?
    Artemis: Shh! Keep it down, guys. I don't want her to know I'm here!
    Ami: Who?
    Minako's Voice: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Here kitty, kitty, kitty!
    Artemis(terrified): Arrgh! Too late!
    [Minako enteres the shrine grounds. She is playing with a yo-yo.
    There is vacant, yet slightly insane grin on her face.]
    Minkao: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
    [The whooping is accompanied by Minako whirling the fully extended
    yo-yo over her head before making it resume its up-down motion. She walks
    up to the Senshi, taking no notice of the cowering Artemis.]
    Minako(cheery): Hi, minna! Has anyone seen Artemis?
    [Everyone glances at Artemis (except for Minako, who is still playing
    with the yo-yo) then they look back at Minako.]
    Makoto(wary): Why do you ask, Minako-chan?
    Minako(sighs unhappily, pouts): Well, I wanted to play baseball with
    him, but he didn't want to.
    Luna: I should think not. Cats are not like dogs; we don't fetch.
    [Minako laughs in a slightly crazy manner. Everyone else takes a step
    back from her.]
    Minako(cheery): You got it all wrong, Luna. I didn't want Artemis to
    *catch* the ball. (sinister) I wanted him to *be* it.
    [This is a stunned silence.]
    Ami(faint): What?
    Minako(cheery): I said-- (spots Artemis on Makoto's head, shouts)
    There you are! Now I got you!
    [She drops the yo-yo and pulls out a baseball bat from Places
    Undisclosed (tm).]
    Minako(insanely cheery): Batter, UP!
    [Artemis screams and digs his claws into Makoto's hair. Makoto looks
    at the bat and screams too.]
    Rei(shocked): What the Hell are you doing?
    Ami(shocked): Minako-chan, don't do it!
    Usagi(shocked): Minako-chan!
    Makoto(shocked): Oh my God! Not again!
    [Minako swings the bat. Artemis leaps off of Makoto's head just as
    the bat connects with it, knocking Makoto out cold. She collapses to the
    ground. Artemis sprints off and Minako gives chase, trying to pound him with
    the bat as she runs.]
    Minako(still cheery and laughing hystericly): Come here, kitty! Come
    here, my sweet little cat! (angry) Stand still so I can hit you! (cheery)
    Don't worry, Artemis. I promise it won't hurt... (low, sinister) much.
    [Setting: Outside FALCORP
    [The Senshi, in full costume, are standing outside the doors,
    staring up at it.]
    Moon: Geez, I didn't know it was this big. My neck's getting a cramp
    just by looking up at it.
    [Abrubtly, the entire building starts to shake. The top ten stories
    promptly vanish, making it much shorter.
    Moon: Thanks!
    Voice: No problem.
    [Silence. The Senshi continue to stare at the now reduced FALCORP
    building. Finally, Venus steps forward.]
    Venus(cheery): Well, here we are.
    Others: Yep.
    Venus: Once we go in there, there's no turning back.
    Others: Yep.
    Venus: Some of us may not come out alive.
    Others: Yep.
    Venus: We may get captured, tortured, beaten, killed, starved --
    Mars(small): Tortured?
    Mercury(small): Killed?
    Jupiter(small): Beaten?
    Moon(small): Starved?
    [The others glance at one another and, as one, begin to back away.
    However, Venus is totally oblivous to this and continues talking.]
    Venus: -- have our blood drained, forced to drink all sorts of
    poisons, be the unwilling subjects of horrifying experiments, and Kami only knows
    what else. (pauses, cheery) Ah, well. It's a good day to die, ne minna?
    [Silence. Venus turns around and realizes that she is alone on the
    street. She looks around, surprised.]
    Venus: Gee, I wonder where they went. (gasps) Maybe they were
    captured already?!
    [She ponders for a moment. Then nods to herself.]
    Venus(determined): There's only one thing to do: Go in there and blow
    the place up!
    [And so the lone Sailor Senshi sets off to rescue her friends.
    [Fade out.]
    ******THE END (for now!)******
    Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com
    This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.
    


	6. Venus' new attack sorta


    Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the entire
    fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.
    Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys, and
    even they are based off of real life people. Try to guess who!
     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor
     Episode 6: "Venus vs. Lupis - Venus' New Attack...uh, Sorta!"
    [Setting: Inside the now reduced FALCORP building. Lupis is walking out
    the front doors, humming an idle tune and checking his watch. He takes two
    steps past the doors, spots Venus coming towards him, yelps, and bolts
    back inside.]
    Lupis(panting): That was Sailor Venus! If I can catch her, I can get a
    promotion.
    [He glances out the doors at Venus, thinking hard.]
    Lupis(muttered): But how? She could kick my butt. I need a diversion.
    [Cal walks by.]
    Cal: Yo, Wolfdude.
    [Lupis grins evily.]
    Lupis(low): Perfect. (sweetly) Hey, Cal, could you come here for a
    moment?
    [Cal freezes in mid-stride and glares at him.]
    Cal(wary): What do you want, Furface?
    [Lupis tackles the startled Cal and throws her out the door.]
    Lupis(shout): I need a diversion!
    [Cal crashes in a heap on the ground outside. She climbs painfully to her
    feet, not noticing Venus. For her part, the Senshi is surprised, and she
    hurries over to make sure Cal is okay.]
    Cal(muttered): Stupid dog-brained werewolf. I'll teach him to throw me out
    of doors.
    Venus: Are you okay?
    Cal(muttered): I'm gonna kick his furry little (sees Venus) aAAAAHHHHHH!!!
    [She leaps back and assumes a fighting stance. Venus looks at her. Cal
    blinks.]
    Cal(wary): Uh, aren't you Sailor Venus?
    Venus(cheery): Yep, that's me!
    Cal(wary): Don't you fight for love and justice and all that "goody goody
    good good" crap?
    Venus: Yep!
    Cal(wary): Then why aren't you attacking me?
    Venus(cheery): Because you're not evil, silly!
    Cal(surprised): I'm not?
    Venus(cheery): Nope.
    Cal(wary): How do you know I'm not evil?
    Venus(cheery): Because I can sense evil.
    Cal: You can?
    Venus(cheery): Yep! I can spot evil from miles away!
    Cal(disbelief): Yeah, right.
    Venus: No, I really can and I'll prove it to you. Take, for instance, this
    werewolf that's been creeping up behind me.
    [Venus delivers a spin kick to Lupis' face. The werewolf goes down.]
    Venus: Now, a lesser person might not have noticed that. But I did.
    Cal(incredulous): You knew he was sneaking up on you?
    Venus(proud): Of course!
    Cal(incredulous): The entire time we've been talking, you *knew* he was
    coming up from behind you and you let him?
    Venus: Yep.
    Cal: That's amazing!
    Venus(grin): Not nearly as amazing as the headache you're gonna have when
    I'm through kicking your butt.
    Cal(nervous): What are you talking about?
    Venus(laughs): Did you really think that I'd fall for you being his
    diversion? I mean, come on! You can't possibly think that I'm that stupid!
    Give me at least some credit!
    [Cal swallows nervously and starts to back away.]
    Cal: Hey, I didn't mean it! It was the werewolf, I swear!
    [Venus grins and advances on Cal.]
    Cal: Uh oh.
    Venus: CRESCENT BEAM!!!
    [Cal screams and ducks. The beam flies over her head and demolishes the
    front doors. Cal sees Venus readjust her aim and does the typical thing:
    She runs. Venus blinks.]
    Venus: What the --?! Get back here!
    [Venus chases Cal, occasionaly firing her laser whenever Cal gets in
    range. Meanwhile, Lupis regains conciousness and Cal takes cover behind
    him.]
    Lupis: Hey!
    Cal(angry): This is all your fault, Fangs for Brains! Get us out of this!
    Lupis(sigh): Oh all right, (muttered) you weakling.
    Venus: CRESCENT BEAM!!!
    [Venus takes aim and fires. As she does so Lupis shoves his hands through
    the pavement, grabs it, and rips up a huge chunk. He tosses it at Venus.
    The beam and the block collide and the pavement explodes in a tremendous
    cloud of dust. The dust cloud envelops the startled Senshi.]
    Venus: *cough* Dang it! *cough* I can't *cough* *hack* *choke* see!
    [She staggers out of the cloud, hacking and coughing.]
    Lupis(shout): RRRRRRWWAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
    [At the sound of Lupis' furious bellow, Venus looks up. Lupis charges
    through the dust cloud, tackles Venus, knocking her off of her feet. The
    two crash into a building. Lupis, grinning, backs up.]
    Lupis(pleased): There. That ought to do it.
    Venus(growled): Now, I'm *really* mad.
    [Lupis jumps at the sound of Venus' voice. The Senshi climbs to her feet
    and glares at him.]
    Venus(deadly): If I were you, I'd start running now.
    [Lupis backs up hastily as Venus starts to glow.]
    Venus(deadly): VENUS --
    Lupis: Urk!?
    Venus(deadly): -- LOVELY --
    [Lupis backs up even more.]
    Venus(deadly): -- CHAIN!!!
    [Venus lauches the chain at Lupis. Lupis throws up his arms and
    experiences intense relief when it wraps itself around on arm. Suddenly he
    grins and grabs hold of his end of the chain. He yanks on it. Hard. Venus
    loses her balance and struggles to regain it. Lupis slams into her and
    this time they crash through the wall and into the FALCORP building.]
    Venus(pained, muttered): That definitly did *not* work.
    Lupis(panting): So, Sailor Venus, do you give up?
    [Venus climbs to her feet again. She grins.]
    Venus: Are you kidding? I haven't even gotten started yet!
    [Cal appeares at the gaping hole that used to be a wall.]
    Cal: Will you hurry up, Lupis? This is taking forever.
    Lupis: So it is. Well, I suppose Stephanie won't mind if I bring her a
    dead Senshi.
    Venus(muttered): Uh oh. I think it's time I changed tactics. (shout) Hey!
    Lupey!
    Lupis(angry): Lupis! It's Lupis! Do you hear me? Lu..Pis! Get it right!
    Venus(casual): Yeah, whatever, Loophole.
    Lupis(angry): LUPIS!
    Venus(casual): That's what I said, Ludicrous.
    [Lupis loses complete control and rushes her. Venus sidesteps and trips
    him. Lupis goes flying headfirst into another wall. He gets stuck.]
    Venus: Typical man... er... dog... uh... wolf thingy.
    Cal(disgusted): Oh, God. Not again.
    [There is tremendous bellow of rage. Both Venus and Cal take a step back
    in surprise. Lupis rips his head out of the wall, demolishing the rest of
    the wall in the process.]
    Lupis(snarl): I'm gonna rip you to shreds!
    Venus(thought): Kami-sama, I can't keep this up! What am I going to do?
    [The scene freezes.]
    Voice(to Venus): Don't despair, Sailor Venus.
    [Venus jumps, startled. She blinks and looks around. Apparently, she's the
    only one that can move.]
    Venus): Hello? Who said that?
    Voice: I did.
    [Venus looks around.]
    Venus: And who are you?
    Voice: I'm... (pauses melodramatically) the Voice.
    Venus(hesitant): Uh, yeah. (pause) Listen Mister --
    Voice: Miss.
    Venus: Okay, Miss Voice, do you have any clue how I'm going to get out of
    this?
    Voice: Yes.
    Venus: ...
    Voice: ...
    Venus: Could you possibly tell me?
    Voice: Sure.
    [Venus waits expectantly.]
    Venus(impatient): Sometime today would be nice.
    Voice: Oh, yes! Of course. *cough* (serious) Believe in yourself, Sailor
    Venus, and you shall triumph over evil.
    [Venus' disbelief is written all over her face.]
    Venus: That's *it*?! 'Believe in yourself and you shall triumph over
    evil?' That doesn't help me at all!
    Voice(indignant): Well what did you expect? Thor's Hammer?
    Venus: As a matter of fact, I did! Something, *anything* would've been
    better than what you said. Kami-sama, you're as bad as Tuxedo Kamen-sama.
    Voice(angry): Fine, you ungrateful little brat! You want Thor's Hammer?
    You got it!
    [Thor's Hammer (tm) crashes through yet another wall and hits Venus in the
    back of the head.]
    Venus: Ouch!
    [The Voice laughs. Venus rubs the back of her head.]
    Venus(angry): That really, really hurt! How would you like it if I hit you
    with a Norse god's hammer?
    Voice: Spare me, Venus. You couldn't hit the broadside of a Maltese
    Falcon.
    Venus: What does that have to do with anything?
    Voice: Absolutely nothing!
    Venus: Then why'd you say it?
    Voice: Because I... I... (confused) I have no idea why I said that.
    Venus: Look, you disembodied creep, how about giving me a weapon I can
    use?
    Voice: Like a really cool, ultra new, super attack?
    Venus(excited): Yeah!
    Voice: No can do, V-chan. You already have a new attack.
    Venus: What? What do you mean I have a new attack? (thought) Wait a
    minute... The only person that calls me 'V-chan' is...
    [Venus runs back outside.]
    Venus: Usagi!
    [Usagi, crouched next to the wall and talking into a microphone, looks up
    and gasps.]
    Usagi(into microphone, as the Voice): Ignore the puny mortal sitting
    outside the wall. She has nothing to do with --
    Venus: Give me that!
    [She grabs the microphone out of Usagi's hands.]
    Venus: I ought to --
    [From inside the building comes a furious roar as time resumes.]
    Venus: Oh, right! I forgot I was fighting him.
    Usagi: Quick, V-chan! You're ultra new special attack!
    Venus(nods): Right! Stand back, Usagi-chan.
    [Usagi stands back a few feet. Venus turns and faces the gaping hole. She
    concentrates and begins to glow.]
    Venus: VENUS --
    [Lupis leaps out of the building. Venus lifts one hand over her head.]
    Venus: -- CRESCENT --
    [Lupis charges her. A bright golden ball begins to form above Venus'
    palm.]
    Venus: -- KAWAII --
    [Lupis lunges at her. The ball gets bigger. Venus throws it at Lupis.]
    Venus: -- SPHERE!!!
    [Lupis collides with the ball. It explodes in a large, golden shower of
    light. Usagi and Cal (who is standing in the hole) squint against the
    glare.]
    Usagi(shout): Minako-chan!
    Cal(shout): Lupis!
    [There is the sound of Minako giggling. The light begins to fade.]
    Usagi(hesitant): Minako, uh... Sailor Venus?
    [The light fades totally. Venus is still standing. In her arms she is
    cradling a rather large Alaskan Timber wolf cub. She scratches its belly
    and giggles when it grins and her and croons in delight. Usagi runs up to
    her and gives her a big hug.]
    Usagi: Thank Kami you're okay!
    Venus: Yeah. Who could've guessed that my new attack turns my opponents
    into cute, cuddly animals? (to the wolf cub) You are so kawaii! Yes, you
    are!
    [Sailor Venus and Usagi fawn over the former werewolf. Cal looks like she
    is going to be sick.]
    Cal(to the Author): You're telling me. That 'Venus Crescent Kawaii Sphere'
    is sugary enough to rival Sailor Chibi-Moon herself. (disgusted) Animals
    that cute ought to be shot.
    [The Author, with a glance at her cat, decides not to comment on that.]
    Cal(to the Author): Oh, please. Don't make me puke. That's not a cat.
    That's a fat, lazy, *extremly* ugly dog.
    [A safe falls out of the sky and lands on Cal.]
    The Author: Nobody, and I mean *nobody*, insults my cat!
    Cal(muffled): You are real lucky that I'm only a fanfic character.
    Otherwise I'd take that stupid cat of yours and turn it into --
    [A player piano lands on the safe.]
    The Author: Care to continue?
    Cal(faint): baka... author...
    [There is a loud pop.]
    [Setting: An island in the Bermuda Triangle.
    [The Italian Stallion, happily relaxing in a lounge chair, is drinking
    some alcholic beverage out of a coconut. Screaming is heard. He looks up.]
    Stallion: What on earth?
    [Cal falls out of the sky and lands headfirst in the sand. The Stallion
    stares at her frantically kicking legs and promptly bursts out laughing.
    Cal drags herself right-side up and looks around.]
    Cal: Where the Hell am I?
    [She notices the Stallion.]
    Cal: Oh no. Oh God, no. Not him! Anything but him!
    [The Stallion looks at her apprasingly. There is an all to familiar gleam
    in his eye.]
    Stallion: Hello, Cal. Fancy meeting you here. Did you know that you're the
    only attractive woman on this God-forsaken island? And I'm the only
    attarctive man here. (seductive) You know what that means, don't you?
    [Cal screams and starts to sob. The Stallion reaches out to her. Cal grabs
    his arm and throws him into the sea.]
    Cal(angry): If you ever touch me again, I'll --
    [She breaks off when Elvis offers her a Bloody Mary.]
    Cal: Weren't you abducted by aliens?
    Elvis: Tales of my life were greatly exaggerated.
    Cal: Oh. (pauses) Stephanie is not going to be happy about this. (shrug)
    Not like there's anything I can do, now is there? (sips her drink) Hey,
    this isn't so bad.
    The Author(smiling eviliy): She shouldn't have said that. One cannot be
    punished if one is enjoying herself.
    [Cal stretches out--
     --and vanishes.]
    [Setting: Stephanie's office.
    [Cal drops into a chair. She looks around, surprised. She spots
    Stephanie standing in front of the large picture windows.]
    Cal: Urk! Uh, hi, Stephanie.
    Stephanie(deadly): Hello, Cal.
    [Stephanie turns around and glares at her.]
    Cal(quiet): I'm in trouble, aren't I?
    [Stephanie smiles coldly. Her eyes start to glow red. Cal cringes.]
    Stephanie(sinister): Oh yeah. You are in real trouble. You see, Cal, the
    Author and I are real good friends. And I happen to like her cat. So she
    and I talked and, together, we decided on a fitting punishement.
    [Cal swallows hard.]
    Stephanie: And that punishment is that I'm going to talk to you about--
    Cal: Uh oh.
    [Stephanie leans forward and grins sharkily.]
    Stephanie(soft): -- the Theory of Eight Hot Dogs and Ten Hot Dog Buns.
    Cal(terrified): Please, Stephanie! Anything but that!
    Stephanie(sinister): Take notes, Cal. There's a quiz afterwards that your
    job depends on.
    Cal: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
    [Fade out.]
    ******THE END???******
    In the next exciting episode of Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes:
    Announcer: She's mad. She's bad. She can flame-broil a hamburger just by
    pointing at it. She's the Teenage Mutant Radioactive Cyber Ranger Mystic
    Knight VR Biker Chick from Mars!
    [Rei, dressed in a flamboyantly cheap bright red body suit and a helmet is
    riding down an abandoned street on a motocycle. She brakes and skids to a
    stop. She pulls off the helmet, revealing the bright green antennae
    sticking out of her head.]
    Rei(imitating Mad Max): Let's get busy!!!
    Announcer: Whatever you do, don't cross her path!
    [Rei shoots a fireball straight at the camera. There is a large boom as it
    blows up.
    [Fade to black.]
    Rei's Voice(angry): Who designed this outfit? Saban? Kami-sama, get this
    off of me!
    ******THE END(Really!)******
    Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com
    This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.
    


	7. The Clip Show, part One


    Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the
    entire fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.
    Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys
    and the... urm, plotline, for lack of a worser word.
     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor
     Special Episode 6.5: "Don't Forget to Recap" Part 1
    [Setting: An lounge room with a large couch and matching loveseat.
    [Various members of the current cast of Sailor Moon: The Rejected
    Episodes are either sitting on the couch (This would be Rei, Minako,
    and Ami) or on the floor (Makoto, Cal, and the wolfcub version of
    Lupis). Luna and Artemis are stretched out on Ami and Minako,
    respectivly. Mamoru is sitting on a love seat nearby with Usagi
    practically in his lap. They are making out, but the others are
    ignoring them. How? I don't know. They just are!]
    [Minako waves to the camera.]
    Minako: Hi guys and welcome to Part One of the Special 6.5 episode of
    Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes.
    Rei: Now, as I'm sure everybody knows, it's been about three months
    since the Author's last posted episode. Since then she's completed
    the seventh episode where Usagi -
    Ami: Hsst! Don't spoil it for them, Rei-chan!
    Rei(blushes): Right. Anyway, the Author's completed the seventh
    episode and she was going to send it to the FFML -
    Makoto: - But then she realized that in three months some people
    might have forgotten what SM: TRE was about.
    Cal(deadly): And if you have forgotten then we intend on hunting you
    down and killing you.
    [The other's stare at Cal. She looks around and shrugs
    uncomfortably.]
    Cal: Look, I'm a bad guy. I'm *supposed* to threaten people!
    Makoto(embarrased): Uh, yeah. (normal) At any rate, rather than
    repost the entire previous six episodes, the Author has instead
    decided to recap the entire series up to this point. That way, she
    won't have to bother sending multiple e-mails.
    Minako: That, and also she can buy time to rewrite that horrible
    ending to the seventh episode.
    Rei: How can you complain? You weren't even in that episode!
    Minako(angry): I was too! Remeber, I was the one that -
    Ami: That's a spoiler, Minako-chan!
    [Minako falls silent, but continues glaring at Rei, who ignores her.]
    Ami: For those of you who are new to the series and would like to
    read the previous six episodes -
    Minako: - Rather than reading this neat recap that the Author has
    slaved over -
    Ami: - You can simply go to -
    Makoto: Why do I feel a shamless plug coming in?
    Ami(angry): Will you guys stop interupting me?!
    Makoto/Minako: Sorry.
    Ami(clears her throat): As I was saying before I was so rudely
    interupted -
    [She glares at Minako and Makoto, who cringe and blush.]
    Ami: - you can find the first six fics, in their entirety, at
    her website. You will also find the strange and mysterious seventh
    episode there, but be aware that it is a really cruddy draft.
    (frowns, to others) Am I allowed to say 'cruddy'? I mean, it
    certainly doesn't sound like a typical Mizuno Ami thing to say.
    Rei(shrugs): Who cares? The Author's basically trashed all of our
    roles, and she's done it on purpose.
    Minako: Speaking of which, on with the fanfic! Fade out!
    [Fade out.]
    [Setting: An empty stage.]
    [The curtain lifts, revealing a large cardboard cut out version
    of the Juubaan district of Tokyo, complete with a replica of the
    Tokyo Tower. Featured prominently is a large cardboard building with
    the word FALCORP painted on in large, tacky, dayglo green letters.]
    Narrator(Minako's voice): Here we have Tokyo, a quaint little city
    located in Japan.
    Ami(offscreen): I think everybody knows where Tokyo is, Minako-chan.
    Minako: Well, some people might not.
    [Ami is heard sighing.]
    Narrator(Minako): Whatever. For months, Tokyo had been attacked by
    all sorts of nefarious monsters. Tokyo's only defense against these
    evil hordes were (insert dramatic music) THE SAILOR SENSHI!
    [Four ballerinas (dressed like Mercury, Moon, Jupiter, and Mars) run
    out into the stage, jumping, leaping, and doing other various
    ballerina stuff.]
    Narrator(Minako): And they were led by the most spectacular Senshi of
    them all, Sailor Venus!
    [A stunningly beautiful blonde ballerina, dressed as Sailor Venus but
    with lots of sequins, dances out onto the stage. The other Senshi are
    all in awe of her.]
    [Cut back to the lounge, where everyone is glaring at Minako.]
    Makoto: What the *hell* was that?
    Rei: Since when were you the leader of the Senshi?
    Ami: And how does this fit into the current timeline of the fanfic?
    Minako(angry): Who's telling this story: you or me?
    Rei: You are, but not anymore.
    Minako(angry): What!? You can't take over this fic!
    Rei(angry): Watch me! Fade out!
    [Fade out.]
    [Setting: The Hikawa Jinja in the morning.]
    [Rei is lying in her bed, asleep. As the morning sun peeps
    through her blinds, she wakes up, yawns expansivly, and sits up.
    Leaning over, she pulls up her blinds and leans outside her open
    window, preparing to greet her crows Phobos and Deimos.]
    [A scream is heard.]
    [Rei looks only mildy alarmed as she gets up and sighs.]
    Rei: Ah, another tragedy has befallen Tokyo, and it is up to me, the
    ravishingly beautiful Hino Rei to save the day, as only I can.
    [She removes her henshin wand from her Interdimensional Space Pocket
    (tm) and transforms into Sailor Mars.]
    Mars: Onward, to victory!
    [Switch to a park.]
    [A man in a black cape, tight black pants, and a partially open
    black silk shirt is watching a youma-ish monster that is busy
    knocking people unconcious.]
    Monster(to man): That is the last one, master.
    Man: Good. Very good. Start piling them up so we can transport them
    back to base.
    Monster(bows): Yes, master.
    [As the monster starts to gather them up, a fire-laced laser beam
    strikes it in the chest. It goes flying backwards and lands in a
    smoking heap several meters away.]
    [The man looks towards the source of the attack, surpised.]
    Man: Who the heck are you?
    [The Sailor Senshi (sans Sailor Moon) are all standing in a row.]
    Mars: We are the Sailor Senshi!
    Man: The Sailor Senshi?
    Mars: Hai! I am the stunning and ravishingly beautiful Sailor Mars!
    Others: And we are the other Senshi, who's talents and prowress are
    inferior to the magnificent Sailor Mars! Therefore, she is the
    important character while we are merely comic relief.
    [Cut to the lounge.]
    [Minako and Makoto look ready to kill, but Rei doesn't seem to
    notice.]
    Rei(enthusiastic): So there we were, confronted by the horrible
    evilness that was the Italian Stallion. He attacked us, but I gave
    him such a beating that he was left running in fear! Then I proceeded
    to single handedly destroy that pathetic excuse for a youma. And so I
    saved the day, all by myself, as I am wont to do.
    [Ami looks ill.]
    Ami: Wont?
    Rei: Now you see Minako-chan, *that* is how you do a recap.
    [Minako grabs Rei's arm.]
    Minako(seething): If I may have a word with you, Rei.
    [Minako drags Rei offscreen.]
    Ami: That narration had absolutly no truth to it, other than the fact
    that we did destroy the monster.
    Makoto: Who cares? We're finally able to recap episode two now.
    [Several pained shouts and curses are heard. Makoto glances and that
    direction and winces.]
    Makoto: And since Minako and Rei are obviously... occupied. I guess
    I'll do the recapping.
    Cal: Actually, it might be better if I did it, since the first part
    deals with FALCORP.
    Makoto(grin): Be my guess, Cal-san. Geez, you're a lot nicer now than
    you are in the actual fanfic.
    [Cal shrugs and grins.]
    Cal: Don't tell Stephanie that. Fade out!
    [Fade out.]
    [Setting: A large, plush office.]
    [A young black woman dressed in a business suit is sprawled in a
    chair behind the desk, quite obviously asleep. Sitting with her back
    to a wall, partially obscured by shadows, is another young woman. She
    is also asleep. Cal appears into the room, but she is transparent,
    sorta like a ghost.]
    [Cal walks over to the woman in the chair.]
    Cal: Here we have Stephanie Hawks, the president of FALCORP and the
    main bad guy of the series. She's a really wicked chick, but she's
    got the coolest psychic powers.
    [Cal points to the woman sitting on the floor.]
    Cal: That's Stephanie's unnamed bodyguard. Nobody knows what her name
    is, what her powers are, or even what her purpose in this fic is, but
    she's here anyway.
    [She sits on Stephanie's desk and claps her hands.]
    Cal: Action!
    [Stephanie and the other woman wake up and look around groggily.]
    Stephanie(puzzled): How did I get here? The last thing I remember was
    that I was on my way to a meeting with the staff.
    Woman(puzzled): Yeah, me too. How did we get back in your office?
    Stephanie(sighs and stretches): Probably Cal using one of her stupid
    teleportation tricks again. Remind me to have her shot as soon as
    this current matter is over.
    Woman(stands and stretches): Yes, ma'am.
    Cal(the ghost): Urk!
    [The double doors to the office open and Italian Stallion strides in.
    Cal scowls.]
    Cal(disgusted): That's the Italian Stallion (IS for short). He has to
    be the most sex-crazed male on the planet, next to Moriboshi Arturu.
    But at least Arturu didn't have the Stallion's ego.
    [IS flops into a chair, grinning and props his feet on Stephanie's
    desk.]
    IS: Say, Steph, how 'bout you and me have a little fun? You know, I
    scratch your back and you strip naked and give me a backrub? (winks)
    Stephanie(annoyed): Get your boots off my desk.
    IS: Aw, come on, Stephanie. Lighten up a little.
    [Stephanie starts to rummage through the papers on her desk, setting
    some to one side and placing others in various folders. She doesn't
    say anything, but her eyes flare red before returning to normal. The
    Italian Stallion's boots burst into flames. He yelps and leaps to his
    feet, quickly stamping his boots to put out the fire. He glares at
    her.]
    Stallion(angry): Why'd you do that?
    Woman: Because you didn't take your feet off her desk, moron.
    [The Italian Stallion rolls his eyes and glares at a shadowy figure
    to his left.]
    Stallion: Don't you ever sleep?
    [The figure shrugs (well, as much as a shadowy figure can be seen
    shrugging) and leans against a wall, blending in with the shadows
    around her in the process.]
    Stallion(muttered): Man, that's one creepy chick...
    Stephanie: I'm really ticked at you, Stallion. You seem to have
    forgotten the purpose of FALCORP. So I will tell you again. We are
    trying to enslave the Japanese popluation, but do to your
    imcompatency we are at least two weeks behind schedule.
    Stallion: Hey, it's not my fault! It was the Senshi!
    Stephanie(angry): I don't care who it was! I'm giving you one more
    chance and suggest you take advantage of it!
    Cal: I told you Stephanie's evil.
    Stallion: Sure, Steph! Sure! I'll get it done! Just you wait and see!
    Stephanie: I'm leaving Japan for a few days, so that should be
    adequte time. Until then, Lupis is in charge.
    Stallion(incredolous): Lupis! That fur-faced half-human half-wit!?
    [Cut to the lounge.]
    [Lupis the wolfcub growls menacengly.]
    Lupis(thought): When I find that two timing idiot I'll rip his throat
    out! How dare he say that about me!
    [Back to Stephanie's office.]
    [IS has left and Stephanie is talking to the Woman.]
    Stephanie: Now, to help hurry this recap along, I'm just gonna tell
    ya what to do, minus all the cryptic stuff.
    [The woman nods.]
    Stephanie: I want you to go to the North Pole and find Jaedite, so
    that I can defrost him and use his knowledge of the Dark Kingdom to
    help me conquer Tokyo.
    [Cut to the lounge.]
    Ami: Now, I know that everyone's thinking "Oh God, not another
    'Jaedite returns for revenge' fanfic!" And if fact, Jaedite plays
    almost no role in this fanfic.
    Cal: Actually, he was pretty instrumental in episode number four and
    he affected the events of episode five.
    Ami: True, but the Author could have easily done without Jaedite and
    it still would have worked.
    Cal(nods): Yeah, but then it wouldn't be as funny, would it?
    Ami(smiles): No, I guess it wouldn't.
    Makoto: Right around this time, the Senshi and I were visiting
    Usagi-chan, who was recovering from her having her appendix removed.
    Luna(dry): Recovering very well.
    [Makoto and Ami blink.]
    Luna: Nani?
    Makoto: How come you're just now talking?
    Luna(shrugs): Because the Author finally decided to let me have a
    line.
    Ami: What about Artemis?
    [They all turn to look at the other cat. Artemis opens his mouth to
    say something, then shrugs and shuts it.]
    Artemis: I just don't have anything to say.
    Makoto: Hmmm... Oh well. To continue, the Italian Stallion attacked
    the people outside the hospital while we were there. So we decided to
    go outside and attack him.
    Ami: I don't think 'decide' is the word I would use for how we got
    outside. 'Forced' maybe. 'Caught by surprise' defintly.
    Makoto: Does it really matter? Fade out!
    [A monster with three cat heads, the neck of a giraffe, the body of a
    cow, the legs of a chicken, the tail of a horse, and the arms of an
    ape is busy spitting webbing all over the people on the street. Near
    it is the Italian Stallion, busy admiring himself in a mirror.]
    [The Senshi pull away and share a Look. They look at Usagi (who
    is still busy shoving food down her throat).]
    Rei(sighs): I guess Usagi won't be coming with us. *Again.*
    Minako: Looks like we'll have to deal with this monster all by
    ourselves.
    Makoto: Yeah, but it would be a real shame if something should happen
    to us.
    [Usagi hesitates, then shrugs and keeps eating.]
    Usagi(mouth full): Ganbatte, minna!
    Rei(angry): Why you ungrateful little brat! I'm gonna kill you!
    [Rei leaps for the bed--
    --and crashes into the floor when Minako tackles her.]
    Minako: You can't kill her! She's our leader!
    Rei(shouting): Wanna bet?
    [Rei tries to get up, but Minako puts in her a headlock. They start
    to struggle.]
    Minako(to Ami and Makoto): Um, guys? A little help here?
    Ami(to Makoto): Do we really have to?
    Makoto(to Ami): Don't worry, I'll handle this. Jupiter Star Power,
    MAKE UP!!
    [Sailor Jupiter seperates Minako and Rei. She throws Rei over her
    shoulder into a fireman's carry.]
    Jupiter: One down...
    [Jupiter grabs Usagi, hoists her out the bed, and throws her out the
    window.]
    [There is complete and total silence.]
    Ami(shocked): Oh my God! Jupiter killed Usagi-chan!
    Rei(muffled): You bastard!
    Jupiter(nonchalant): I didn't kill Usagi-chan.
    Minako(frantic): But you threw her out the window!
    Jupiter(shrugs): And? Go and watch her. She'll bounce.
    [Cut to outside the hospital. Usagi is still falling. She hits the
    pavement, bounces a couple of times, and comes to a stop. She looks
    around, completly amazed.]
    Usagi: Hey! I bounced!
    [Cut back to hospital room. Ami and Minako are staring at Jupiter in
    wide eyed amazement.]
    Jupiter(smug): I told you so. (heroic) Now, let's get that monster!
    [With a mad laugh, she leaps out the window with a furious Rei in
    tow. The remaining two Senshi look at each other.]
    [Back to the lounge.]
    [Cal, Luna, Artemis, and Lupis are staring at Makoto in shock.]
    Makoto(nervous): Alright, so I wasn't particularly sane during that
    episode. So sue me!
    Cal: Honey, insane doesn't accuratly fit the description of that
    scene.
    Luna(mad): How come I didn't hear about this earlier?
    [A heavily bandaged Rei and Minako reappear and take their seats.]
    Minako: I didn't know you were such a dirty fighter, Rei-chan.
    Rei: Hey, I only fought as dirty as you did.
    Minako(sour): Yeah, well you didn't have to try to fry my arm off.
    Rei: Then you shouldn't have tried to give me a hysectomy with that
    stupid laser of yours.
    Ami(polite): If the two of you are done arguing, may we continue with
    the recap?
    [Minako and Rei glare at one another, ignoring Ami. Ami sighs.]
    Ami: Oh well. At least we finally defeated the monster and the
    Italian Stallion.
    Cal: Yeah, even if it was by scratching up his too-perfect annoying
    face.
    Makoto: What did happen to the Italian Stallion?
    Cal: Stephanie sent me orders to have him permantly removed to the
    Bermuda Triangle. As far as I know, he's still there.
    Ami: That doesn't sound very punishing.
    Cal: It is if you're a sex-crazed maniac stuck on an uninhabited
    island.
    Ami(faint): Oh...
    Makoto: Wow, Cal. In those two sentences you managed to recap the
    entire third episode.
    Cal(grin): Every girl's gotta be good at something.
    [Lupis whimpers. Cal rolls her eyes.]
    Cal: So I didn't tell them that you showed up in the third episode.
    (smug) What'cha gonna do? Bite my ankles?
    [Lupis growls at leaps at Cal, sinking his teeth into her wrist. Cal
    shrieks and tries to pull him off.]
    Cal(hysterical): Get im off! Get im off! Get im off! Get im off! Get
    im off!
    [Makoto and Ami succeed in pulling Lupis off of her. Cal holds her
    bleeding wrist and glares at him.]
    Cal(angry): You better not have rabies, Fur-Face, otherwise I'm gonna
    kill you!
    [Cal stalks away. Makoto stands and stretches.]
    Makoto: Well, we've hit the halfway point. I'm ready for a break. How
    about you guys?
    [Ami, Luna, Artemis, and Lupis nod enthusiastically. Rei and Minako
    have fallen asleep on the couch. Usagi and Mamoru are nowhere to be
    seen.]
    Makoto: Right. We'll finish things up in Sailor Moon: The Rejected
    Episodes, Special Episode 6.5 part 2! Until then, you guys have a
    lovely night!
    [They all wave to the screen.]
    [Fade out.]
    Voice: Bwhahahaha! My plan is going perfectly! By the end of this
    special recap episode, my plans will have been completed and I will
    reign supreme! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
    [Evil laughter fades out.]
    ******THE END (for now!)******
    Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com
    This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.
    


	8. The Clip Show, Part Two


    Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the
    entire fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.
    Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys
    and the... urm, plotline, for lack of a worser word.
     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor
     Special Episode 6.5: "Don't Forget to Recap" Part 2
    [Setting: A lounge room with a large couch and matching recliner.
    Various members of the current cast of Sailor Moon: The Rejected
    Episodes are either sitting on the couch (This would be Ami and
    Makato) or on the floor (Usagi, ChibiUsa and the wolfcub version of
    Lupis). Stephanie (dressed in a jeans and a plain black t-shirt
    instead of her normal business suit) is sitting in the recliner with
    her legs tucked under her, reading a book. Luna and Artemis are also
    curled up on one of the couch cushions, asleep.
    [Usagi waves to the camera.]
    Usagi: Hi guys and welcome back! As you know this is the second part
    of SM:TRE's special recap episode.
    Makoto: Hopefully, this time around no one will be getting hurt.
    After all this is a Sailor Moon fic, not Celebrity Deathmatch.
    [Several images of Venus and Mars trying to kill one another flash
    by.
    Ami sighs.]
    Ami: Yes. That was unfortunate. Doubly so since Minako-chan and
    Rei-chan are now in no condition to be in this episode.
    Usagi: Cal, too. It's a real shame what happened to her.
    [Flashback sequence. Cut to outside the studio where the last episode
    was being taped -
    Cal is standing in front of her car. She is alternating between
    adjusting a makeshift bloodsoaked bandage on her left wrist and
    searching for her keys.]
    Cal(angry, mutter): Stupid werewolf. I knew I should have turned him
    into a rug when I had the chance. I wonder how many stitches I'm
    gonna need?
    [Fishes her keys out of her right pocket. A nut falls on her head,
    startling her. She looks up to see a squirrel sitting on a nearby
    tree branch. She glowers at it irritably.]
    Cal(angry): Go away you furry-tailed rat.
    [The squirrel chitters angrilily.]
    Cal(angry): Oh yeah!? Well you can take that acorn and shove it where
    the sun don't shine for all I care!
    [The squirrel chitters again. A second squirrel shows up and sits
    down next to it. Both of them glare balefully at Cal.]
    Cal(angry): Listen, you lice-infested misreable excuses for rodents,
    I don't have time to sit here and argue with you. So why don't just
    go find a convinent steamroller and make sure you're under it?
    [A third squirrel joins the first two. All of them are chittering
    angrily. Cal ignores them and unlocks her front door. A fourth
    squirrel climbs onto the car's hood and chitters at her. She glares
    at it.
    Camera view switches to reveal the hundred or so *very* mad
    squirrels lined up behind Cal.]
    Cal(angry): Bite me.
    [Cut to inside of studio, inside a break room.]
    Ami and Makoto are sitting at a table, next to a window. They're
    playing Poker.
    Cal runs by the window, several squirrels hanging from her arms,
    chest, back, and hair.]
    Cal(muffled by the glass): Heeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllpppppp
    meeeeeeeee!!!!!!
    Ami(frown): I'll bet ten bucks.
    Makoto(confident): Ha! I'll see your ten and raise ya twenty!
    [Cal runs by again and now there's a squirrel on her face.]
    Cal(muffled by the glass): Get im off! Get im off! Get im off! Get im
    off! Get im off! Get im off! Get im off! Get im off!
    Ami(taking a card): Did you hear something?
    Makoto: Nope.
    [Cal runs by again. This time she starts to frantically beat at the
    window with one hand while pulling the squirrels off with the other.]
    Ami(sighs): Okay, Mako-chan. What do you have?
    [Makoto lays down her cards.]
    Makoto(smile): Full House.
    [Makoto starts to laugh and reaches out to take the money. Ami grabs
    her wrist. With her other hand she lays down her cards.]
    Ami(smile): Royal Flush.
    [Ami takes the money while Makoto stares at the cards.]
    Makoto: Damn!
    [Behind them, dozens of squirrels tackle Cal and she slumps out of
    view, leaving a large blood-smeared trail on the window.]
    [Cut back to the lounge.
    Usagi scratches Lupis behind the ears. The wolfcub grins with
    wolfish delight.]
    Usagi: So, as you can see, Lupis does *not* have rabies.
    Makoto: And although Cal is in critical condition, the doctors are
    sure she will have made a full recovery by the time Episode Eight
    rolls around.
    Ami(puzzled): I still want to know what would have made all of those
    squirrels attack her in the first place.
    [All of them look at Stephanie.]
    Stephanie(not looking up, menacing): If any of you even *dare* to
    imply that I did it, I will be forced to have a pack of wild dogs
    tear you apart in the parking lot later.
    [Silence.]
    Makoto(nervous laugh): Well, I guess this means Stephanie's innocent,
    ne minna?
    [The others heartily agree.]
    Makoto: So let's continue with the recap. Where did leave off last
    time?
    Usagi: We're at the start of the fourth episode.
    Makoto: Cool! Just so you reader's know, this was, by far, the
    Author's favorite episode to write, probably because it features her
    favorite Senshi, namely moi, getting drunk. (thinks, aloud and
    annoyed) Hey!
    [The Author giggles.]
    Ami: It's also the closest thing to a crossover the Author will ever
    dare write. Not because she hates crossovers but because she feels
    that the only other Anime she's seen would not blend properly with
    Sailor Moon, given the Author's odd sense of humour.
    Makoto(puzzled): Ranma 1/2 wouldn't blend properly with Sailor Moon?
    Ami: No. Shin Seiki Evangalion wouldn't blend properly.
    [Cut to Tokyo 3, an Angel is approaching.
    The Sailor Senshi, standing on a nearby building, start their
    introductions. The Angel continues on past them, and the AT field
    vaporizes them before they can move.]
    [Back to the lounge.
    Usagi and Makoto are both pale.]
    Ami: See what I mean?
    [The other two Senshi nod.]
    Ami: Now, many people are familar with Episode Four's dance club
    scene. For those of you who aren't, Mako-chan will recap it for us.
    Makoto(surprised): I will?
    Usagi: Of course you will! You were the only one out of the three of
    us that was there.
    [Makoto swallows nervously.]
    Luna(low): Do the recap, Makoto.
    [Makoto cringes.]
    Makoto(mutters): Fade out.
    [Setting: A dance club.
    Makato, dressed in dance club attire, is sitting at the bar,
    talking to the bartender.]
    Makoto: So how 'bout it?
    [She hands the bartender a phony ID card. He takes it, examines it
    for several seconds, then hands it back.]
    Bartender: One Tequila Sunrise coming up.
    [He makes the drink and hands it to her. Makoto takes a sip.]
    Makoto(thought): Hey! This is pretty good. I'll have to have a few
    more of these...
    [Half an hour later...
    Makoto is on the dance floor, dancing in a not-quite-sober
    manner to Cher's Belive. She spots three American men in Navy
    uniforms and staggers over to them.]
    Makoto(slurred Japanese): Hiiiiiii!!!!!!!! You guys are really
    cute... didja know that?
    Sailor 1(English): Eh?
    Sailor 2(English): I'm sorry, Miss, but my friends and I don't speak
    Japanese very well.
    [Makoto's face screws up as she concentrates on their words. After a
    very long time, she finally says something.]
    Makoto(Perfect English): That's okay. I just realized that I can talk
    English if I don't try.
    [The three sailors look at each other.]
    Sailor 1(English,slow): Okay...
    Sailor 3(English): Are you okay, Miss?
    Makoto(English): Sure! I've never felt better in my life! Did you
    know I'm a Sailor Warrior? Yep. I'm Sailor Jupiter!
    [She leans in really close, so close that the second sailor has to
    grab her before she falls over. She smiles at them conspiratorily.]
    Makoto(English, low): But don't ya'll tell anyone that. To the world
    at large I'm known as Makoto.
    [She leans backwards, stumbles, and falls into the arms of the third
    sailor. He shares an amused look with his three buddies.]
    Sailor 3(English): Yes. Of course, Miss Makoto. I'm Butch, that's
    Emilo, and that's Joey. (points to the other two.)
    [Music Change: Harvey Danger's Flagpole Sitta.]
    Butch(English): You didn't come here alone, did you?
    Makoto(English): Nah... I brought my two friends Rei and Minako.
    (grins) They're Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus. But don't tell anyone
    that.
    Joey(English, to Emilio): She is sooo plastered.
    Emilo(English, to Joey): Yep. We should take her back to her friends.
    [Butch and Joey nod. Butch helps Makoto to stand straight again.]
    Butch(English): Take us to your friends.
    Makoto(English): Okay.
    [She staggers off into the crowd, the three Navy officers behind
    her.]
    [Cut back to the lounge.]
    Usagi: What happened after that, Mako-chan?
    Makoto: I don't know.
    Ami & Usagi: Huh?
    Makoto: I passed out after I got back to Rei and Minako.
    Usagi: Hm... Oh well, if anybody's curious they can just read the
    episode for themselves. Now, where were we?
    Stephanie(not looking up): Lupis sprayed the Insanity gas.
    Usagi: Oh yeah! That's right. Well, during episode 5, a lot of wierd
    stuff happened.
    [A large amount of fanfare. Ted McCan runs into the lounge and hands
    Usagi an award.]
    Ted McCan: Congratulations Tsukino Usagi! You've just won the
    Understatement of the Year Award! What are you going to do now?
    [Usagi stands up.]
    Usagi: I'm going to AnriLand!
    {Note: AnriLand is a registered trademark of Blueberry Enterprises.
    B'ENT employees and the family of B'ENT employees are ineligble for
    the Understatement of the Year award. Besides, what are you going to
    do with a fictional award anyway? You've been warned.}
    [Ted McCan and the award vanish. Usagi sits down and acts as though
    absolutley nothing had just happened. The others are scared out of
    their wits.]
    Makoto: What the hell was that?
    Ami: Do we really want to know?
    Makoto: You're right. We don't.
    Usagi: A whole bunch of stuff happened. None of it made sense. Take,
    for instance, the scene were we visited Rei-chan at the shrine. Fade
    out!
    [Fade out.]
    [Setting: The Hikawa Jinja.
    Rei, dressed in her robes, approaches the other Senshi (sans
    Venus). She glares at Makoto.]
    Rei(cold, to Makoto): I am very surprised, Makoto-san. I didn't think
    that you would dare show your face at this shrine again after what
    you did last night.
    [The others stop. Makoto is very surprised.]
    Makoto: What are you talking about, Rei-chan? I wasn't here last
    night.
    Rei: Then you're denying it?
    Makoto: Denying what?
    Rei(imitaiting Makoto): "C'mon Rei-chan, let's use Yuuichiro-san for
    target practice! I'm sure he won't mind!"
    [Makoto blanches. The others stare at her.]
    Makoto: I didn't say that!
    Rei(angry): Oh yeah!? Then why is Yuuichiro-san in the hospital?
    [At this point, Yuuichiro walks up to them. Rei doesn't notice him.]
    Yuuichiro: Uh, Rei-san?
    Rei(shouts, to Makoto): You electroucuted poor, defenseless
    Yuuichiro-san! You didn't even give him a fair chance!
    Yuuichiro: Rei-san?
    Rei(shouts): Dammit! I was going to ask him if he wanted to go out
    tonight! You've robbed me of my future boyfriend!
    Yuuichiro(surprised): You were really going to ask me out?
    Rei(to Yuuichiro): Shut up, Kumada! Can't you see I'm ranting about
    you! (muttered) Now where was I? Oh yeah... (to Makoto, shouts) I
    can't believe you have the nerve to waltz up here like everything's
    okay! I never want to see you again!
    [She takes a deep breath and whirls on Usagi.]
    Rei(to Usagi, shouts): And if you don't put your head back on right
    this instant, I'm going to punt it into the stratosphere! Do you have
    any clue how annoying it is to have somebody pulling their head off
    while I'm trying to rant?! Of course you don't! You proabaly don't
    even know the meaning of the word 'rant!'
    [Cut back to the lounge.]
    Ami: Needless to say, this was not one of Rei-chan's saner moments.
    Makoto: Minako-chan was scarier.
    Ami: Yes, well, Minako-chan tends to go insane far more often than
    Rei-chan does.
    Makoto: This is true.
    Usagi(annoyed): Hey! I know what 'rant' means! It's what the Author
    does everytime someone mentions OW!
    The Author: ARGH!
    Makoto: Oh great, Usagi-chan. Now you've done it! Quick, somebody
    recap episode 6 before we have to listen to the 'Sailor Blueberry'
    story again!
    Lupis: Rwoorr woof!
    [Fade out.]
    [Setting: The FALCORP building.
    Minako, as Sailor Venus, is standing alone outside. Usagi is
    cowering behind her. Lupis, in werewolf form, is standing across from
    Venus. Cal is cowering behind him. The whole scene is in black,
    white, and shades of gray.]
    Venus(puzzled): What happened to the color?
    Lupis: I'm color-blind, so sue me.
    Venus(puzzled): But why is it in black and white?
    Lupis(angry): Because I'm doing a recap!
    Venus: Geez, Loophole, you don't gotta shout.
    Lupis(enraged): The name's LUPIS!!!
    Usagi: Quick, V-chan! Use your special attack while he's distracted!
    Venus(nods): Right! Stand back, Usagi-chan.
    [Usagi stands back a few feet. Venus turns and faces him. She
    concentrates and begins to glow.]
    Venus: VENUS --
    [Lupis snarls in rage and charges her. Venus lifts one hand over her
    head.]
    Venus: -- CRESCENT --
    [A bright golden ball begins to form above Venus' palm.]
    Venus: -- KAWAII --
    [Lupis lunges at her. The ball gets bigger. Venus throws it at
    Lupis.]
    Venus: -- SPHERE!!!
    [Lupis collides with the ball. It explodes in a large, golden shower
    of light. Usagi and Cal squint against the glare.]
    Usagi(shout): Minako-chan!
    Cal(shout): Lupis!
    [There is the sound of Minako giggling. The light begins to fade.]
    Usagi(hesitant): Minako, uh... Sailor Venus?
    [The light fades totally. Venus is still standing. In her arms she is
    cradling a rather large Alaskan Timber wolf cub. She scratches its
    belly and giggles when it grins and her and croons in delight. Usagi
    runs up to her and gives her a big hug.]
    Usagi: Thank Kami you're okay!
    [Cut back to the lounge.
    Usagi rubs Lupis' tummy.]
    Usagi: Don't you like being a wolfcub much more than a bad guy?
    Lupis(thought): Oh yeah! Especially since Stephanie can't try and
    kill me anymore!
    Stephanie(thought, to Lupis): Don't bet on it, Lupis. I *am* a
    vengeful, evil woman, remember?
    [Lupis whimpers. Usagi glares at Stephanie.]
    Usagi: Why are you so mean?
    Stephanie: Because I'm the main villaness.
    Usagi: Oh. Okay.
    [The trio share a look. They all stand up.]
    Ami: And thus concludes The Sailor Moon Special Episodes.
    Makoto: From all of us to all of you --
    All: JA NE, MINNA!
    [They wave to the camera.
    Fade out.]
    ******THE END******
    Criticisms? Comments? Flames? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com
    This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.
    


	9. How to Get a Head in Life


    Warning: This fanfic is rated PGS for mild swearing and because some
    parts, and really the entire fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.
    Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys.
     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
      A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor
     Episode 7: "How to Get Ahead in Life"
    [Setting: The Hikawa Jinja - Rei's room.
    [The Senshi are gathered around Rei's table. Minako, Makoto, Usagi,
    and Chibi-Usa are fawning over Lupis, the werewolf turned incredibly cute
    wolf cub. Ami is reading a book titled 'Genetic Engeneering for Dummies.'
    Luna and Artemis are curled up on Rei's bed. Rei, however, is missing.]
    Ami: Aha! This explains everything!
    [Usagi looks up from the wolf cub.]
    Usagi: What explains everything, Ami-chan?
    [Ami looks up from the book.]
    Ami: This (waves book in air) explains why everybody was acting so
    strangly in Episode Five!
    Usagi: How does that book explain it?
    Ami: Well, it's really easy --
    [Rei's phone rings. Usagi answers it.]
    Usagi: Moshi Moshi. Oh hi, Mamo-chan! What's up? (frowns) Another one of
    those stupid youma are attacking the mall?
    [The others are paying attention to Usagi now.]
    Usagi: You want us to come and help you out? (listens) Okay, I'll ask
    them. (clamps hand over reciever) Mamo-chan wants to know if somebody can
    go and buy him some sugar. He's out.
    Makoto(stands): I'll go. We need to get Lupis some doggie treats.
    Minako(stands): I'll go with you.
    [Lupis barks happily.]
    Lupis(thought): I think I can get use to being five months old again.
    [Minako scoops up Artemis.]
    Minako: Come on, lazy bones. (to Chibi-Usa) Wanna tag along,
    Chibi-Usa-chan? We'll get ice cream.
    Chibi-Usa: Let's go!
    [The five leave, Artemis grumbling irratably.]
    Usagi(to Mamoru): Makoto and Minako are on their way. (listens) Your quite
    welcome, Mamo-chan. Now you be careful fighting that icky youma, okay?
    (listens) Of course I'll be thinking of you! (listens) Love you, too. Take
    care!
    [Usagi hangs up and sits back down.]
    Usagi: Now, what were you saying, Ami-chan?
    Ami: Oh! Um, well, it's like this, Usagi-chan. You remember that
    mysterious gas that got sprayed everywhere?
    Usagi: Yep.
    Ami: Well, it made everyone go temporarily insane.
    Usagi: Cool!
    Luna: That is not cool, Usagi-chan.
    Usagi: Yes it is, Luna. I think it's really neat that I'm crazy.
    [Luna sighs heavily.]
    Ami: Actually, the insanity part of the gas wore off quite a while ago. At
    least I hope it wore off. Lately it has gotten very difficult to determine
    who is sane in this story and who's insane. And my computer can't seem to
    tell the difference, either. But, like I said, most of the effects of the
    gas have worn off.
    Luna: 'Most,' Ami-chan?
    Ami(nods): Unfortunetly, there seems to be an unforeseen side effect that
    is still affecting us even though are sanity has improved.
    Luna: And that side effect is?
    [Rei bursts into the room, scaring the mess out of Usagi. The blonde
    shrieks and dives behind Ami.]
    Rei(annoyed): Geez, Usagi, just because I walked into my own home
    uninvited doesn't mean you have to lose your head over it.
    Ami(shocked): Rei-chan, don't say that!
    Rei(annoyed): Kami-sama, Ami-chan. I can't help it if she keeps losing her
    head --
    [Ami leaps up and covers Rei's mouth with her hand.]
    Ami: No, Rei-chan! You musn't say anything that could be taken literally!
    Rei(muffled): Mphm?
    [There is a loud thud. Ami and Rei turn and in Usagi's direction.]
    Rei(stunned): Kami-sama...
    Ami(stunned): Oh dear...
    [Usagi, or rather, Usagi's body is sitting on the floor, arms flailing
    wildly. Her head, from the shoulders up, is missing.]
    Ami: This is the side effect that I mentioned. Whatever we say is more or
    less taken literally and manifests itself in the physical plane.
    Rei(not listening): Huh?
    Ami(faint): If you say it, it happens.
    [There is a second thud. Ami and Rei turn in time to see Luna pass out and
    fall onto the floor.]
    Rei(faint): So, in other words, Usagi's lost her head.
    Ami(faint): Exactly.
    [There is a long silence. Rei breaks it by freaking out.]
    Rei(hysterical): What are we going to do, Ami-chan? We can't leave her
    like this! She can't live like that for long! Think of what the others are
    going to say? (gasp) Think of what her *parents* are going to say? They're
    gonna kill us! We've got to find Usagi's head!
    Ami: Rei-chan, calm down.
    Rei(hysterical): Calm down? *Calm* *down*?! For Bob's sake, we lost
    Usagi's *head*! How on earth are we going to explain this to everyone
    else?
    Ami(puzzled): Bob? Who the heck is Bob?
    Rei: Will you stop being so bloody sane? Freak out and help me feel
    better.
    [Rei starts to pace.]
    Rei: Kami-sama, look at me. I'm beside myself with --
    Ami(sharp): Rei!
    [Rei winces.]
    Rei: Oh yeah, the talking thing. (gasp) Ami-chan, the other's don't know
    to control their mouths! What if they say something stupid?
    Ami: I've already thought of that. We'll just have to drug them. That
    should keep them from making sense.
    Rei(alarmed): What?!
    Ami(defensive): So it's not the brightest idea I've had. What are you
    going to do? Sue me? (scoffs) It really isn't that much of a stretch if
    you think about it. Apparently I don't make much sense to you guys anyway.
    Rei(pales): Ami-chan, did you hear what you just said?
    Ami(angry): Couldn't understand me, huh? I bet you want me to repeat
    myself in Japanese, right Rei?
    Rei(angry): Wait just a minute, Ami. *I'm* not the one that thinks that I
    don't make sense.
    Ami(angry): Now I get it. I suppose the only thing you ever hear me
    say is gibberish, right?
    Rei(growl): Ami...
    Ami(angry): Well... (shouts) Purple Froody Toad Flatulence.
    [Silence.]
    Rei(confused): What?
    Ami(angry): You heard me! I said 'Purple Froody Toad Flatulence!' (blinks,
    mutters) Why would I say something so utterly nonsensical?
    [Realization dawns on her. You can almost see the light bulb go off over
    head. In fact, a light bulb does cut on over head, but immediatly falls to
    the ground and shatters. Ami pales.]
    Ami(faint): Uh, oh.
    Rei(confused): Ami-chan?
    Ami(faint, to Rei): It appears as though I have been affected by the
    insanity gas as well. (pause) Pen Paper going bye-bye.
    [They stare at each other for a long time.]
    Ami(controlled): Okay, so I'm turning plaid - I mean incoherent. There's
    got to be homey groovy asterik this. Any crackers, Rei-chan?
    [Rei's answer is to stare at Ami in horror.]
    Ami(controlled): Alright, no help F4. I can homer this. (slow, controlled)
    All...I...have...to...do...is...track...stop...ogle.
    [Ami freaks out.]
    Ami(hysterical): Who am I blastfarthing? I have a better chance of having
    my thought processes stop then - (pales) I think I just made a *big*
    mistake.
    [Ami's eyes go vacant and she collapses into a blubbering, incoherent
    heap.]
    Rei(alarmed): Ami-chan!
    [She crouches next to the dazed Senshi and starts to shake her.]
    Rei: Ami-chan? Are you all right? Say something!
    [Ami looks at Rei and smile vacantly.]
    Ami: My mother smells like old paste.
    Rei: What?
    [Ami reaches up and pinches Rei's cheek.]
    Ami(adoring): Purple rhinos fluff giant advacados.
    Rei: Quit it, Ami-chan. This isn't funny.
    Ami(bland): Groovy dancers eat Crisco. Like my toothpaste, giant hacked-up
    hairball?
    Rei: Dang, she's still not making any sense!
    [Rei hears pounding footsteps behind her. She turns around in time to see
    Usagi's body sprint through her door.]
    Rei: Oh no! (starts shaking Ami again) Ami! Ami! Snap out of it! (angry,
    shouts) Wake up, you retard, and help me!
    Ami: Of course spiral ginger spends paper mattress.
    Rei(sigh): I guess this means I have to take charge. (nods) Okay, the
    first thing to do is to find Usagi's body. Then I'll find her head. And
    *then* I'll worry about Ami-chan.
    [She looks at Ami and sighs heavily.]
    Rei: But I can't leave Ami-chan here. She'll proabaly do something
    incredibly stupid and accidentally kill herself.
    [She hauls Ami to her feet.]
    Rei: Hey, Ami-chan, do you feel like traveling? Can you at least be
    semi-coherent?
    Ami: Hi, I'm Bobbin. Are you my mother?
    Rei(sigh): That'll have to do.
    Ami: .desufnoc gnitteg era sessecorp thguoht ym taht tsuj s'tI .nahc-ieR
    ,enas etiuq m'I ,yllautcA
    Rei(weary): This is going to be the *longest* day of my life.
    [She leaves, dragging the incoherent Ami with her.]
    [Setting: FALCORP, a conference room.
    Drexyl, Jedite (in a straightjacket and frothing at the mouth), and
    Cal (looking extremely tired, dazed, and mostly dead) are sitting in
    various chairs.]
    Cal(monotone): ive discoverd that i hate my life
    Drexyl: Why? What happened to you?
    Cal(monotone): i had a very long discussion about hot dogs
    Drexyl(surprised): What's so bad about that?
    [Cal slowly turns to look at her.]
    Cal(monotone): i was talking with stephanie
    [Drexyl pales. Cal slowly turns back around and stares at nothing in
    particular.]
    Drexyl(sympathetic): Oh my. You poor girl.
    [She pats Cal on the shoulder. Cal winces painfully.]
    Cal(monotone): please don't pat me on the shoulder doc. i'm kinda sore
    Drexyl: Why are you sore?
    Cal(monotone): well, let's see
    [She starts to count on her fingers.]
    Cal(monotone): sailor venus tried to kill me. i had a safe dropped on me.
    i had a player piano fall on me. and i plunged headfirst into the bermuda
    triangle (looks at Drexyl) i think that pretty much somes it up
    [A door opens. Everyone looks up as Stephanie and the nameless
    purple-haired woman enter. Stephane glares at the trio and walks to the
    head of the table. The woman takes up a position by the door and quickly
    fades into the shadows.]
    Stephanie: My faithful employees --
    [Jedite starts to whimper. Stephanie rolls her eyes.]
    Stephanie(mutters): -- and Jedite.
    [The former Dark Kingdom general grins and proceeds to bang his head
    against the table repeatedly. Stephanie picks up a chair and hits him with
    it.]
    Stephanie(angry): Quit it, you moron!
    [Jedite smiles and drools heavily. Stephanie sighs.]
    Stephanie: As I was saying. My faithful employees and Jedite, (glares at
    Jedite) it appears that we have a problem. Due to a certain group of
    teenage girls that have habitually foiled my plans, we have become
    seriously understaffed. Now, there is no need to panic.
    Jedite: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
    Stephanie(angry): I said there is *no* need to panic, you doorknob!
    Jedite: Oh. Sorry.
    [Stephanie takes an extremly deep breath and counts to ten. She lets it
    go.]
    Stephanie: To continue, we must do something about these girls. Any ideas?
    Drexyl(thoughtful): Well, we can try to lure them into the FALCORP
    building. Once there, we'll drug them and I'll use them for test subjects.
    Stephanie: Interesting idea, Dr. Drexyl. (glares at Cal) What do you
    think, *Cal*?
    [Cal flinches.]
    Cal: If it is okay with you, Ms. Hawks, I would like to have more time to
    consider the situation to its fullest extent.
    Stephanie(smiles sharkily): Of course, Cal.
    Jedite(eager): Oh! Oh! Pick Jedite! Jedite have idea!
    Stephanie(muttered): What the heck, I'm desperate. (aloud) Do you have an
    idea, Jedite?
    Jedite(eager): Yes! Plan very simple. Jedite create big illusion of
    himself over Tokyo and challenge Senshi to fight at the Tokyo
    International Airport, or else Jedite burn Tokyo!
    [Stephanie bows her head and rubs the bridge of her nose.]
    Stephanie(low, angry): Jedite, are you aware of the fact that the plan you
    have just told me (shout) IS THE EXACT SAME PLAN THAT YOU USED BEFORE
    BERYL PUT YOU IN THAT BLASTED CRYSTAL?!
    Jedite(puzzled): It is?
    Stephanie(shout): Yes, you Light-blasted moron! It is!
    Jedite: Hmm. (pause) Did Jedite's plan work before?
    Stephanie(shout): Of course it didn't you --
    [Stephanie struggles to regain her control.]
    Stephanie(calm): No, Jedite. It didn't work. If I recall correctly, you
    were run over by an airplane, and then Beryl decided that you were totally
    incompetent and worthless -- (muttered, sarcastic) -- Although I can
    hardly see why -- (aloud) and froze you in eternal sleep, or some other
    eternal torment thingy.
    Jedite: Ah. This must explain why I am still alive. Queen Beryl must have
    lost to the Senshi. Your purple-headed bodyguard found me in the Artic
    Circle and rescued me. The lovely Dr. Drexyl here defrosted me. And now
    here I am. (pause) Man, I could sure go for some Dark Kingdom McDonalds
    now.
    Cal: They had a McDonalds in the Dark Kingdom?
    Jedite: Sure. Those things are everywhere. In fact, we even had a version
    of America's Disney World: The Dark DisneyKingdom. It was total flop, of
    course.
    Stephanie(deadly): What does this have to do with anything, Jedite?
    Jedite: Absolutetly nothing. I'm just rambling.
    Stephanie(deadly): So none of you have any ideas?
    [There is mass panicing.]
    Drexyl: Why don't you ask her?
    [She points to the mass of shadows behind Stephanie. Stephanie glances at
    it. It shrugs.]
    Woman: Don't look at me, I'm just a bodyguard.
    Jedite(puzzled): You've been here since the first episode and yet, I
    haven't heard anybody mention your name once. Do you even have a name?
    Woman(angry): Of course I have a name!
    Cal: What is it?
    Woman: It's --
    [She is cut off by a large pop and the appearance of Usagi's head on the
    conference table. Everybody stares at her. ]
    Usagi's Head: Woah. That was wierd.
    Stephanie: What the bloody hell is *that*?
    [Drexyl leans over and pokes Usagi in the ear with a pen.]
    Usagi's Head: Ow! Hey, watch it with that pen!
    Drexyl: I think it's a head.
    Stephanie: I *know* it's a head, Drexyl. What is it doing here?
    Drexyl: Apparently, it is sitting there looking at us.
    Jedite: AAAHHH!!! It's the evil demon b--
    The Author: No profuse swearing, Jedite. I will allow damn and hell, but
    not anything else. Got that?
    [Jedite whimpers. Stephanie glares at the Author.]
    Stephanie: Will you stop butting in like that? If you keep this up, we
    just might consider it a self-insertion fic.
    The Author(aghast): You wouldn't dare...
    Stephanie(grinning evilily): Try me.
    [The Author considers this threat carefully.]
    The Author: But... I like interfering. It's my right as the Author.
    [The purple-haired woman steps up to Stephanie and whispers in her ear.
    Stephanie blinks and smiles.]
    Stephanie: That's the best idea I've heard all day. (to The Author) You
    like interfering?
    The Author(warily): Yeah... Why?
    Stephanie: Finish this episode, then meet me in my office. I have a
    proprosition for you.
    [The Author frowns, not liking Stephanie's tone of voice. Then she shrugs
    and briefly re-writes history.]
    Stephanie: I *know* it's a head, Drexyl. What is it doing here?
    Drexyl: Apparently, it is sitting there looking at us.
    Jedite: AAAHHH!!! It's the evil demon head! It's Sailor Moon!
    Usagi's Head: AAAHHH!!! It's Jedite! (thoughtfully) Or is it Jaedite?
    [The Author points out that it's Jedite. The other form is to hard for her
    to spell with any consistancy. At a stern glare from Stephanie, the Author
    fades back into the darkness from whence she came.]
    Stephanie: Jedite, are you sure?
    [Jedite howls madly.]
    Jedite(angry): Jedite know Sailor Moon when he sees her. (points at
    Usagi's head) *That* is Sailor Moon.
    Usagi's Head(calm): Yeah, and I would know that rotting stench anywhere.
    I'm surprised to see you alive, Jedite. What happened? Did Beryl finally
    decide to let you off for not beating us?
    [Jedite scowls. Usagi smirks.
    [Stephanie studies the head carefully.]
    Stephanie: So, you are the vaunted Sailor Moon. The leader of the dreaded
    Senshi. And the one that has been ruining my plans.
    Usagi's Head: Yep. That's me.
    Stephanie(frowns): But, you're just a head!
    Usagi's Head: And your a big, mean and nasty person! So what?
    [Stephanie glowers at the head for a moment.]
    Stephanie(staring at the head, low): Cal.
    [Cal jumps, startled.]
    Cal(uneasy): Y..Yes?
    Stephanie(low): Find Sailor Moon's body. (looks at Cal, her eyes start
    glowing) Or else.
    [Cal swallows hard and stands hastily. She salutes.]
    Cal(scared): S-Sure. I-I'll find it.
    [Cal vanishes in a swirl of smoke.
    [Stephanie's eyes return to normal. She stares at Usagi's head, which
    continues to glare defiantly back at her.]
    Stephanie: Doctor Drexyl.
    [Drexyl stands.]
    Drexyl: Yes?
    Stephanie(points to Usagi's Head): Take that back to the lab and test it.
    Find out why it's just a head. (stares hard at Drexyl) I want the full
    report on my desk by tomorrow morning.
    [Drexyl nods and picks up Usagi's Head (which protests this violently, but
    is totally ignored). She leaves through the doors.
    [Stephanie sits in a chair. She places her elbows on the table,
    steeplng her fingers. She peers over her fingertips at Jedite.]
    Stephanie: Well, Jedite. Despite my better judgement, I'm actually going
    to use you for something.
    [Jedite starts to grin, but it fades when Stephanie's eyes flare red.]
    Stephanie(hard): I do not intend on letting you screw this up, Jedite. You
    are going to listen to every word I say and you are going to obey me. Have
    I made myself *clear*?
    [Jedite nods hurridly. Stephanie's eyes return to normal.]
    Stephanie: Good. Now, this is what I want you to do...
    [Fade out.]
     ******THE END******
    Will Mamoru get his sugar? Will Usagi regain her body? What is Stephanie
    telling Jedite? Will Ami regain her wits? What does the Author have to do
    with any of this? And *what* is that purple-haired woman's name??? (One
    guess, and no, it's not Shampoo.)
    Perhaps the answers to these questions lie in the next episode. But you'll
    never know unless you watch. So stay tuned to for the next thrilling and
    nonsensical installment of Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes! (Now with
    200% more caffine!)
    Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com
    This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.
    


	10. Where the Author Ran Outta Steam


    Warning: This fanfic is rated PGS for mild swearing and because some
    parts, and really the entire fanfic, tends toward excessive
    sillyness.
    Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad
    guys.
     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor
     Episode 8: "Insert Dramatic Music Here"
    [Setting: A convience store.]
    [Minako, Makoto, and Chibi-Usa are standing in one of the aisles,
    examining packages. Minako grabs one labeled 'flour.' Makoto takes
    one that is labeled 'sugar.']
    Minako(cheery): I got Mamoru-san's sugar!
    Makoto(studies package): Um... Minako-chan? That's flour.
    [Minako examines the package. She blinks.]
    Minako: No, it's not.
    Makoto: Yes, it is.
    Minako: No, it's not.
    Makoto: Yes, it is.
    Minako(annoyed): No. It's not.
    Makoto(annoyed): I think I know what sugar looks like, Minako. (hefts
    the sugar) And this is sugar.
    Minako(annoyed): I hate to inform you, Makoto, but that (points to
    the sugar) is salt.
    Makoto(angry): This is not salt! This is sugar! (points to the flour)
    That is not sugar! That is flour!
    Minako(rolls eyes): Sure, Makoto. And I'm sure you think that almonds
    and tofu are exactly the same, don't you?
    Makoto(outraged indignance): What?! How could I possibly confuse
    those two items? They don't even look the same!
    [Minako snorts derisvly.]
    Minako(to Chibi-Usa): And *she's* supposed to be this awesome cook?
    [Chibi-Usa giggles.]
    Makoto(angry): Fine, then! We're going to the clerk and *prove* that
    that's flour, this is sugar, and the salt is nowhere to be found!
    [She grabs Minako, who flashes Chibi-Usa a quick grin and a
    conspiratorial wink. The pink-haired girl giggles and follows them.]
    [Makoto stalks up to the clerk and dumps both packages onto the
    counter.]
    Makoto(barely controlled anger): I want to buy the sugar.
    [The clerk looks at Minako. Minako shrugs and grins.]
    Clerk: Okay, one package of sugar.
    [He grabs the flour and rings it up.]
    Makoto: Uh... you grabbed the wrong package. That's flour.
    Clerk: I'm sorry, miss, but this is sugar.
    Makoto(shouts): NO, IT'S NOT!!!
    [Minako and Chibi-Usa giggle. The clerk blinks at Makoto.]
    Clerk: I hate to tell you, but this is sugar.
    [Makoto grabs the sugar and holds it in front of the clerk's face.]
    Makoto(angry): Let me guess, you think this is salt, don't you?
    Clerk(nervous): Well... yeah... didn't you?
    [The entire left side of Makoto's face begins to twitch. She slowly
    withdraws her arms, not noticing that her fingers have punctured the
    paper and that sugar is dribbling everywhere.]
    Makoto(eerily calm): "Salt..." yes... Of course. Minako-chan? Be a
    dear and pay for the "sugar."
    Minako(annoyed): Hey! Why do I have to pay for it?
    [Makoto drifts outside the store, the left side of her face twitching
    madly. The others watch her go, amused.]
    Clerk: How long till she realizes that she really is holding the
    sugar?
    [Minako shrugs. She leans against the counter and grins.]
    Minako: I dunno. I think we broke something in her brain.
    [She giggles and looks at the clerk.]
    Minako: Thanks again for your help, Sai-kun. I'm really impressed.
    You didn't even flinch when she yelled at you.
    Sai: Eh. When you've faced someone like Talpa, an enraged Sailor
    Senshi doesn't seem so bad in comparison.
    Minako(nods): I can guess. How are Ryo and the others?
    Sai: Same as usual. We're all really bored seeing as how we've got
    nothing to fight against.
    [There is the muffled sound of Makoto screaming.]
    Minako: We ought to set up a sparring date, Torrent. We'd kick your
    Ronin butts so easily.
    Sai: I highly doubt that, Venus.
    [Minako smiles sharkily in response. She reaches over the counter and
    grabs a shopping bag.]
    Minako: I'll set up a date, Torrent. Then we'll really show you how
    it's done. Come on, Chibi-Usa-chan. Let's go get some ice cream.
    [They walk outside and head over to a nearby bench, where Artemis and
    Lupis are waiting.]
    Minako: Hey, guys, where's Mako-chan?
    Artemis: Over there. (points) But I think we should leave her alone.
    She looks a little... strange.
    [They all look. Makoto is sitting on the ground some distance away,
    completly covered in sugar. The remains of the package lies scattered
    around her. She is smiling vacantly at nothing.]
    [Minako goes and crouches down in front of her.]
    Minako: Hello? Mako-chan?
    [She waves a hand in front of Makoto's face, but the Senshi continues
    to stare past her.]
    Minako(blinks): Okay...
    [She goes back over to the others.]
    Artemis: Well?
    Minako: The lights are on, but the microwave's making popcorn.
    [The trio sigh.]
    Artemis: That's not how it goes, Minako-chan.
    Minako: Who cares? Let's go get some ice cream!
    Chibi-Usa: Yeah!
    [They troop off, leaving Makoto where she is.]
    [Setting: The Void.]
    [Makoto is floating in absoulute blackness. She slowly opens her
    eyes.]
    Makoto: Huh? (looks around) Where am I?
    Voice: This is the Void.
    Makoto(puzzled): The Void? Where's that?
    Voice: It's the space between the Author's Head.
    Makoto: Oh. So what am I doing here?
    Voice: It's time you learned the Truth, Kino Makoto.
    Makoto: The Truth?
    Voice: Yes. The Truth.
    Makoto: What is it?
    Voice: You were not supposed to be in the Anime Bushijou Senshi
    Sailor Moon. You are really supposed to be in Ranma 1/2.
    Makoto: What?!
    Voice: Haven't you ever wondered why you could cook so well? And why
    you can fight so well? And why everyone sees you as a tomboy?
    Makoto: Well... yeah....
    Voice: This is because your real name is not Kino Makoto. Your real
    name is Kounji Makoto. You are Kounji Ukyo's younger sister. After
    your mother died, your father tried to carry on by himself. But being
    a single parent with two daughters and an okonomiyaki cart was far
    too difficult for him. After Saotome Genma stole his cart, your
    father became very depressed and gave you and your sister up for
    adoption. Ukyo has been spending the time chasing down her fiance,
    Ranma. You have been spending the years here, in Tokyo.
    [Silence.]
    Makoto: That is the largest heap of bull that I've ever heard!
    Voice: Belive what you will, but it is the truth. And, as everyone
    knows, the truth is over there!
    Makoto: Where?
    [She turns around and comes face to face with a ferret. The ferret
    pulls out a gun.]
    Bunki: Time to die, Nerd-girl.
    Makoto: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
    [Makoto leaps to her feet, gasping for breath. She is standing in the
    park. Passerbys are staring at her with alarm. A mother pulls her
    daughter further away.]
    [Makoto laughs nervously.]
    Makoto(embarassed): Don't mind me. Just dreaming of ferrets.
    [The people slowly walk away, several casting her strange looks over
    her shoulder.]
    [Makoto sighs and dusts herself off.]
    Makoto: I wonder where the others are...
    [She walks off.]
    [Setting: A rooftop.]
    [The air shimmers briefly and then Cal appears. She walks over to
    the baulstrade and sits on it, gazing down at the street below.]
    Cal(mutter): This bites. Here I am, searching for some freaky
    superheroine that doesn't have a head, and I don't have a clue where
    to begin.
    [Far beneath her, Usagi's Body is standing outside a cafe, waving its
    arms at the people within.]
    Cal(blinks): That's strange. If I didn't know any better I'd say that
    was Sailor Moon's Body right there.
    [She stands on the railing.]
    Cal: That is Sailor Moon's Body! I've got to get it.
    [She leaps off the railing and vanishes in mid-air.]
    [Setting: The cafe.]
    [Rei and Ami are sitting at a booth, one at either side of the
    table. Rei has her face buried in her hands. Ami is busy making
    Origami animals out of the napkins.]
    Rei(muffled): This is impossible, Ami-chan. I've searched every cafe,
    restaraunt, and eatery. Usagi's Body isn't anywhere!
    Ami: Moo. (giggles)
    Rei: I might as well give up now.
    [The door to the cafe opens and Minako and Chibi-Usa walk in. They
    spot the duo and join them, Minako with Rei and Chibi-Usa with Ami.]
    [Ami picks up an origami cow and walks it across the table.]
    Ami: Moo. (giggles)
    [She hands Chibi-Usa an origami duck. Chibi-Usa eagerly takes it.]
    Chibi-Usa: Quack. (giggles)
    [The two begin playing with the origami animals.]
    [Neither Rei or Minako notice any of this.]
    Rei(muffled): Life bites.
    Minako: Why?
    Rei: Usagi's lost her head and I can't find it.
    Minako(puzzled): What?
    Rei: I said --
    Minako: I know what you said. I'm just trying to figure out what you
    mean by it.
    Rei: I mean that Usagi lost her head and I lost her body.
    Minako: That doesn't make any sense, Rei-chan.
    Rei(angry): I know that, dammit! But that's what happened.
    [Makoto enters the cafe and takes a seat next to Chibi-Usa. Ami hands
    Makoto an origami saber-tooth tiger.]
    Makoto: What the hell is this?
    Ami: Moo.
    Chibi-Usa: Quack.
    [They both look expanctly at Makoto. Makoto looks back at them, then
    at the tiger, then at them. Finally she shrugs.]
    Makoto: Roar.
    [Ami and Chibi-Usa both start giggling madly. After a beat, Makoto
    starts giggling, too.]
    [Rei and Minako notice none of this.]
    Minako: Wait... How do you lose Usagi's body?
    Rei: It ran off after her head vanished.
    [Minako stares at Rei. She reaches over and feels Rei's forehead.]
    Minako(muttered): You don't seem to have a fever.
    Rei(angry): Cut that out! I'm not sick!
    Minako: Could've fooled me.
    [They glare at one another. A loud knock at the window startles them
    both. They turn and see Usagi's Body standing outside, giving them
    the finger.]
    [Minako yelps.]
    Minako(shocked): Usagi-chan's head is gone!
    Rei(angry): Duh! What do you think I've been telling you all this
    time?
    Minako(shocked): And she's giving us the finger!
    Rei(angry): Oh great, now her finger fell off. (blinks) What a
    minute... That's Usagi's body! I've got to grab it!
    [She tries to leap past Minako, but winds up crashing onto the floor,
    taking Minako with her. They extricate themselves and climb to their
    feet.]
    [Behind Usagi's Body, Cal appears, grabs Usagi's arm, and drags
    her off down the street. Rei's jaw drops.]
    Rei(angry): Who the hell does she think she is!? That's my Usagi and
    I won't let have anyone else have her!
    Minako: I won't even go into the subtle meanings of that statement.
    Rei(angry): Shut up, you!
    [Rei runs out of the cafe and starts to chase Cal.]
    [Minako looks at the others.]
    Ami: Moo. (giggles)
    Chibi-Usa: Quack. (giggles)
    Makoto: Roar: (giggles)
    Minako: Yeah... Okay...
    [She backs away from them slowly, then turns and runs out after Rei.]
    Minako(shouts): Wait up, Rei-chan!
    [Shot switches to Cal and Usagi's Body as they run down the street,
    dodging the people.]
    Rei's Voice(shouts): Hey! You! Give us back Usagi's Body!
    Minako's Voice(shouts): Bodysnatcher! Stop!
    Cal(thought, sarcastic): Oh geez, I'm in trouble now. Hmph. Silly
    girls. Let's see them follow me from 30 stories up.
    [Cal dodges into an alleyway and leaps onto a nearby rooftop. A
    minute later, Rei and Minako enter the alley as well. They look
    around in confusion.]
    Cal(shouts): Ha! You silly mortals should know that you can't
    possibly compete with a FALCORP executive.
    [Cal laughs evilly and walks away from the edge, dragging Usagi's
    body with her.]
    Rei's Voice: I don't think you know who you're dealin with, lady.
    [Cal freezes, and slowly turns around.]
    [Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus are standing on the railing,
    glaring at her.]
    Cal: Eep.
    [Mars leaps off the railing and launches into her speech.]
    Mars: I am the defender of love and justice! On behalf of beheaded
    bodies everywhere, I'm Sailor Mars! And I'll kick your scrawny butt!
    [She strikes a dramatic pose.]
    Mars: Now then, give us Usagi's body!
    Cal: Not on your life chick.
    Venus(low and angry): Give us Sailor Moon's body, Cal. Now.
    [Cal laughs nervously.]
    Cal(nervous): Oh, sorry, Venus-sama. I didn't notice you there.
    (gulps) Here ya go.
    [She pushes Usagi's Body at Venus.]
    Venus(angry): Now we're gonna kick your butt. Again. Prepare
    yourself.
    Cal(alarmed): Oh please don't! I was only following Stephanie's
    orders! Wait! I can tell you where Sailor Moon's head is.
    [The two Senshi trade looks.]
    Mars: Where?
    Cal: She's being held Doctor Drexyl's lab. In FALCORP.
    Venus: FALCORP again. (to Mars) Let's get the others and check this
    out.
    Mars: Yeah.
    [Mars leaps off the building, dragging Usagi's body with her.]
    Venus(angry): You better be right, Cal.
    Cal: Would I lie to you?
    [Venus glares at her.]
    Cal: Urk. Don't answer that.
    [Venus leaps off the rooftop. Cal walks to the edge and watches them
    until they are out of sight. She smirks.]
    Cal: How'd I do?
    [The air behind her shimmers and the Purple-haired woman
    materializes. She smiles evilly.]
    Woman: A very convincing act. Stephanie will be pleased.
    [They both laugh evilly and vanish.]
    [Setting: A pool in a lush garden.]
    [A tall woman with short, sandy blonde hair is reclining in a
    lawn chair, reading a magazine (Haruka). Another woman with long, sea
    green hair is floating in the middle of the pool with her eyes closed
    (Michiru).]
    Michiru: Hm...
    Haruka: What?
    Michiru: I wonder why we haven't appeared in the fanfic yet.
    Haruka: Maybe because the Author doesn't know enough about us to
    characterize us fully.
    Michiru: Since when has characterization mattered to the Author?
    Haruka: Hm... You've got a point there.
    [They are silent for a long time.]
    Haruka: I wonder why we haven't been in this fanfic yet.
    Michiru: Proably because it is supposed to take place during Sailor
    Moon R.
    Haruka: That's true. But since when has continuity concerned the
    Author?
    Michiru: Touche.
    [More silence.]
    Michiru: Strange... We haven't appeared in this fanfic yet. I wonder
    why.
    Haruka: Perhaps it's because the Author doesn't like us very well.
    Michuru: That't can't be true. The Author likes me quite a lot. And
    she's starting to like you, even though you are a bit bitchy at
    times.
    Haruka: Tis true.
    [A long amount of silence.]
    Michiru: Haruka?
    Haruka: Hm?
    Michiru: It's your turn.
    Haruka: Oh yes. (clears throat) You know what Michiru?
    Michiru: No. What?
    Haruka: We haven't appeared in this fanfic yet.
    Michiru: You're right. Maybe it's because she can't think of a way to
    fit us into the plot.
    Haruka: What plot?
    Michiru: Well put, my friend.
    [More silence.]
    [There's a flash of light. When it clears, a tall, dark skinned
    woman with long, black-green hair is standing beside the pool (Sailor
    Pluto)]
    Pluto: Uranus. Neptune. It appears as though the Author has a use for
    you after all.
    [Haruka reaches into a bucket next to her chair and pulls out a small
    object.]
    Haruka: Hey, Puu?
    Pluto: What is it, Uranus? (annoyed) And don't call me Puu!
    Haruka: Catch!
    [Haruka flings a water ballon at Pluto. It connects with the senshi's
    head, totally soaking her face and hair. She angrily wipes some of
    the water and damp hair out of her eyes.]
    Pluto: Was that really necessary?
    Haruka(smiles): No, but it was about time that somebody did that to
    you.
    [Pluto sighs heavily.]
    Pluto(annoyed): Yes, well, whatever. Come along, you two.
    [She stretches out her hand and a large key-shaped staff appears in
    it. She stamps the ground with the haft. Another flash of light and,
    when it fades, the trio are gone.]
    [Fade out.]
     ******THE END******
    Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com
    This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.
    


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